They're heeeeere. Who's here?

The DC people.....

No, it didn't take two weeks to drive XC. It's just that the moment I saw the house, I freaked out and went into a coma from which I just awoke. But never to fear...the "silver lining" version of the story goes like this:
We were thinking about having the floors sanded and refinished anyway. And I was kind of regretting picking green for the new carpet in the basement.
Here's a wierd one. The outside of the front door smells like smoke, but not the inside. I guess the hooligans were at least polite enough to smoke outside. However, they were not polite enough to throw their butts in the trash.
There were dirty hand prints (frat boy sized) everywhere. Even the ceilings!
The neighbors have been reveling in the horror stories, in their not exactly veiled attempt to say: HA! That'll show you to rent out the house next to us!
The end of the drive went fine. I'm sure many interesting things happened which I can't remember since the traumatic coming-home experience. However, in order to prove the widely held suspicion that most accidents happen within a few miles of home, I drove to DC, drove around DC for 15 months and drove home without incident. Then an hour after arriving home, I went to the grocery store and had my accident. Let's just call it an incident. And don't mention it to my car insurance company.

Almost, but not quite

Bombed across Wyoming (already can't remember where we were last night). Screamed through the northeast corner of Utah. Blazed over Idaho. And now we are in OREGON. However, we are still about 400 miles from home. But at least the license plates belong.

Question: What does it mean if the BRAKE light stays on? Just a hypothetical question, really. I mean, no reason I would ask. I would NEVER drive thousands of miles with questionable brakes. Oh, except when I did with the VW, but that was different. I was stupid back then...

Newsflash: Idaho has the plague. Not a pandemic or a bacteria or the black death. Just a classic Old Testament bug plague. Here we are, driving the speed limit (about 130), and it starts to rain. Sounds like rain, seems like rain, but doesn't wipe off like rain. DAMN! It's bugs. Well, now they're X-bugs, and they're smeared all over our sensible camry car. I don't know what Idaho did to anger the great "I am". Whatever it was, they'd better repent fast or else many more windshields may suffer the wrath.

Here I am at the Continental Divide working on the lyrics for a country song. It goes something like this:
When I cry a tear at the continental divide
Where does it go?
How does it know?
To which ocean it should flow.
etc etc, fiddle solo, more rhyming, and a verse about the open road.


Here's Taylor singing the future hit song: Continental Divide


Last news item: Cats with jetlag.
The cats are still on Eastern Daylight time. We are now in Pacific standard time. There is a four hour difference at work here. How do I know the cats have jetlag, you ask? Because they are jumping on the bed, meowing, scratching my feet and sticking their whiskers in my nose...at 3am.

My next screenplay will be the sequel to "Dances with Wolves" called "Drives with Cats". Pixel will be played by Morris, Scruffy by Sylvester. For Taylor, we will cast Jody Foster. For me....Lucy Lawless. Aie yai yai yai yaaaaaaiiiii, XEEEE NAAA!!!!!

Tomorrow---home!

More of pretty much the same

Day 2 (yesterday): We tested the theory that cars having stuff in view get broken into. First off, there is NO disguising that our car has STUFF in it, what with the out of state plates, the bikes on the back, the generally overstuffed look....and my wallet and a $10 bill sitting on the passenger seat. Luckily, the good citizens of Milan, Ohio are be-scrupled.

Drove through Ohio and Indiana (not much to say) and past Chicago. Even on Sunday, Chicagoans drive like lunatics--makes the bats-outa-hell look like drivers ed teachers. On to Iowa. The rest stops in Iowa are top notch, even boasting wireless internet. Who knew?

Day 3, subtitled: How to get terrible gas milage.
Here is my primer on taking a reasonably efficient car and turning it into something almost as environmentally friendly as a Hummer, in a few easy steps:
1. Stuff your car with at least 1000 pounds of junk. Any kind of junk will do.
2. Attach stuff to the outside of your car to increase wind resistance.
3. Drive as fast as you can (go toward the liiiiight)


4. Uphill
5. Into a category 4-5 headwind (this sign is being modest).

At least I checked the tire pressure before we left. I have photographic evidence:



Other items of note:
1. Fall is late in America this year. We are getting the fall colors we missed on our New England trip a few weeks ago.
2. Nebraska is pretty. Don't laugh.
3. Iowa is not flat, and it has a formidable west wind. Karin, I hope your bike ride across Iowa was west to east.
4. All hotel rooms smell like cheap deodorizer.
5. Oregon is REALLY far from DC.

That's all the news. Good night from Rawlins, WY, wherever that is.

Off into the sunset

After over a year in DC, we left this morning. Goodbye DC. Goodbye center of the universe. Goodbye unlimited source of material for pieces I never got around to writing. Go west young cats. Drive off into the sunset.

Well...turns out, driving into the sunset isn't so much a romantic thing as a safety hazard. Tonight's menu special: cajun blackened retina.

Our overstuffed car-ship is sailing with dangerously little freeboard. The ride is about as comfortable as that of an old little red wagon. Whilst filling up in Breezewood, PA, (CITGO gas $2.19!!!), I came up with my brilliant idea for how to lighten the load without evicting any passengers. I told Taylor: Gas weighs about 8 pounds a gallon. When our 17.5 gallon tank is full, it adds 140 pounds. We should drive with the tank almost empty.

She gave me one of those: You ARE joking, right??? looks.

Um...yes, it was a joke. (It DID seem like a good idea for a second, I mean, a half tank is 70 pounds lighter than a full tank. I'm going to have to think hard about this one.)

In addition to the gas, Taylor wants to leave behind two wheels, since they are quite heavy. Question is: Which two? We need at least one of the front drive wheels.... I wonder if the engine can run with less oil and brake fluid. So much to consider.

Tonight finds us in Milan, Ohio. Milan??? Scruffy has a new best friend---the cat in the bathroom mirror. Either that or she's looking for wrinkles.

Tomorrow we are Iowa bound.

My Stuff For Sale

Friday update: All the stuff is sold or disposed of or, in the case of the monitor, Taylor decided she loves it too dearly and we will be bringing it home with us. I expect it will get to ride shotgun as an honored member of the family. I don't think I'll let it drive. Toonces is teaching Scruffy driving. I'm nervous enough about that.

3pm update: All we have left is kitchen stuff and computer monitor. Please respond to the craigslist notice if you are interested. Kitchen stuff is free to a good home.

****SOLD*** Nice dresser. Not from Ikea... $75 ****SOLD***
***SOLD*** Bedside table, matches dresser. $35 ***SOLD***
***SOLD***Ikea table and 2 chairs. $75 for the whole deal. ***SOLD***
***SOLD*** Pine utility type shelves. $10 ***SOLD***
***SOLD***19" TV, power antenna good for getting free TV over the air, Table (DVD player NOT included). ***SOLD***
***SOLD***Formica table. Legs can come off so fits in car. $25 ***SOLD***

Headache -- The Poem

Woke up with a headache
Not a hangover
I didn't drink last night
I rarely have a headache
Drank my coffee
Still have a headache
Rode the metro
Packed in like sardines
Too short to reach the bar
Too far to reach the other bar
Surf to work
Packed in like sardines
Don't touch anybody
Who let one?
I still have a headache
Got to work
Servers are down.
Kick the servers.
They have a headache
Finish prepping my presentation
Servers still down????
Test the meeting software
Maybe I'm thirsty
Drink lots of water.
Still have a headache
Scramble for a projector
Ask around for aspirin
Maybe I'm hungry
Eat a muffin
Headache still there
Give presentation
Ten people in my live studio audience
Only one hostile witness
Thirty people in conference call land
Uh oh. Have to pee.
Too much water.
One hostile project manager
Went bureacrat on my ass
Last time I make a decision
The headache is worse
I didn't drink last night
I don't deserve this
Many beeps during talk
Tell me the herd is thinning
Survived the presentation
Live audience won't go away
Maybe I didn't have enough coffee
Went to starbucks
I like starbucks
Here, I'm TALL, not grande
Consumed caffeine
Now I have headache
And I'm hyper
My muscles are vibrating
But not in a nice way
More of a "Is that my cell phone buzzing" way
More servers are down
Damn servers.
Email my boss
Warn her about the angry bureaucrat
Who will be CONTACTING her
When will the headache go?
Leave the office
Ride the metro
Not quite so packed.
Discuss servers with Jay and a stranger
Who had to listen
Because she got between us
And my headache
Is still there
Keeping me company
On my way home
Buy aspirin
89 cents
No tax
Get home
Maybe it's a brain tumor
Eat aspirin
Eat tylenol
No more caffeine, thanks
Out to dinner
Feeling better
Better
.....
BETTER.
Check please
$60 plus tip
.
.
.
I have a headache

The NYC Conundrum -- It's great. It stinks.

Couldn't sleep. Taylor turned off the AC and it's hot in here. Screw conservation, I want my air conditioning. So instead, I'm writing to you, dear reader.

The Big Apple----

For this past three day Labor Day Weekend, Taylor and I went to the actual BIG CITY, New York City! We stayed right at Times Square in a type of hotel one can only call "expensive cheap hotel". Neither Taylor nor I have ever touristed in NYC, so it was all new. I mean, I didn't discover anything truly new. We were in Manhattan. It's in the movies, on the news shows, in pictures. It was like visiting a place after having studied about it in school. No wait, it wasn't _like_ that, it WAS that.

We went to the fantastically wonderful play SPAMALOT. If you're a Monty Python fan, you should be feeling jealous right.....about......NOW.

As I mentioned, we didn't discover anything new. I mean, how would you discover something new in a place where about 10 million people have been before you? I could say "I discovered myself" or something cheesy, but it wouldn't be true. That being said, there is one thing for which the texts did not adequately prepare me. This fantastic, vibrant, stimulating city STINKS to HIGH HEAVEN. I mean, HOLY HELL, this place really fills the snoot. It's mostly piss smell, seasoned with dumpster stink and a side of simmering sewage. Penn Station smelled like the barf brigade came through right before we got there. And our cheap ($100/night) hotel room smelled overwhelmingly of urine and lysol. Taylor kept telling me to stop thinking about it. She suggested I try moving the earplugs (cheap, noisy hotel) to my nose. Either way, I wouldn't be able to sleep.

So, besides the stinky factor, we walked for MILES and MILES all over Manhattan and:

• We saw all those places you see on TV, and now Taylor is pointing them out every time they show up on TV: "We were there, oooh, there too. And there!"
  
• Saw a bunch of pigeons
  
• We saw a dead ringer for Taylor's grandmother at South Street Seaport (also saw a few chili dogs...) and stalked her like papparrazzi. That was funny, for us at least. She started looking nervous after the fifth time Taylor ran up next to her and I took a snapshot.
  
• Ate at some great diners.
  
• Saw pigeons.
  
• Got together with my old friend Khiang in China town for dim sum with half of the population of Manhattan all stuffed into one giant room.
  
• Watched some rats running around. They don't look so scary. Not like the dive bomber pigeons.
  
• Rode in a taxi and experienced 0 - 85 in 1/2 a city block. Asked the taxi driver to let us out BEFORE we reached our destination, figuring our odds of survival were better.
  
• Saw skywriting (really cool) but couldn't properly read it because the tall buildings blocked the view.
  
• Saw those green newsstands like Seinfeld has in his show.
  
• Got chewed out by a homeless (i think) woman for not helping her get her cart up over the curb (I thought she wanted to be independent. I didn't know).
• Saw more pigeons
  
• Got attacked by a woman with so many rings that she cut my fingers when she walked by and scraped me with her multi-caret jewels
• Paid $24 to go up the Empire State Building, but Taylor found 5 pennies up there, so really $23.95
• Have I mentioned pigeons?
  
• Learned too many personal details about a guy talking on his cell phone on the train back.

Then we came home. Well, back to DC, which now seems like a small town. And we washed ALL our clothes....in HOT water.....right away.

Mozart's

Tutoring just started back up. Loyal followers will remember tutoring from one of my very first posts, so I won't bore you with the details. The important point is: after tutoring, some of us tutors go across the street to Mozart's. Mozart's is an unexpected place, and a bit hard to describe. It is right smack in the middle of downtown DC, across the street from the church where we tutor, World Bank, Metro Center and Mc Donalds. It's a German deli/bar/restaurant/knick knackery. The deli section sells regular deli stuff, German food, german trinkets, German candy, German magazines (that look at least 20 years old, lending credence to the rumor that the front door is really a time machine), German groceries, German Beer...you get the idea.

I like the bar. It's a neighborhood bar. Sometimes there are drunk people sitting there, and I've sang songs with them (can't remember which songs at the moment). There are rarely tourists because, as I mentioned, this place is unexpected and nobody who didn't know it's there would find it (which does bring up a certain chicken/egg question regarding their customer base). There is a resident musician who is usually in the dinner room next door doing a karaoke style performance where he plays his guitar and sings, accompanied by the recorded bass and accordion lines. He dropped by our table this evening and said: "I am here now to play you songs for you. My name is Tim. I am from Georgia, the country. I play Georgian music, Russian music, German music, American music and my own music. What would you like me to play for you?" Our first request: play your OWN stuff, perhaps a baudy drinking song. He gladly obliged and sang a nice song. He said it was about drinking, and we had to take his word for it because we don't speak Georgian, the country. The song sounded more like a love song than a drinking song to me, but love....drinking....I can see the connection. Next song was a Russian gypsie song. That was good fun. Finally, the request was for an American song. Tim: "Which one?" Us: "Play your favorite." So he played 500 miles. Classic Peter Paul & Mary. Karin & I knew it, but our other comrades did not. I pardonned Sharmila, the Canadian, but I'm not so quick to forgive Clark who is a good, Yankee boy in his late 40's. He has no excuse. Anyway, as it was getting more and more surreal, we paid Tim $7 to go play for somebody else. No, we tipped him generously and thanked him for his music. It was, after all, unexpected.

Then, on the way back to the Metro, I found a coin in the road. But not an American coin (this is the second non-American coin I've found in DC). It is so mangled from the miles it has travelled, that I cannot tell what it is. It is copper colored, just a hair larger than a quarter, has a picture of a woman and I can make out the word Elizabeth. The back is so worn that all the letters and pictures are completely scraped off. I've never seen a coin this worn out. Taylor thinks it's an English Tuppence. I don't know. I just hope they'll trade it in at the bank.

Long time no e

Since it's been so long, there's no point in posting the news. So I'll just tell about the metro this morning. I had the distinct pleasure of overhearing two teenage girls speculating on the origin of the metro stop name "Foggy Bottom". They surmise that it has something to do with a person's behind quarters the day after eating too many chili dogs. I also learned that the term "poot" is a new euphemism for, um, "toot". My life is gonna be boring when I only telecommute.

Dreaming of Love

Much has transpired since last we blogged together. They blocked blog access from the office. Now I have to blog on my own time. darn.

The following is a true story about a dream I recently had. I hope this proves that dreams are meaningless nonsense.

In my dream, I met Karl Rove. In person (so to speak), he looks much younger than on TV, more like a frat boy with shoulder length wavey blond surfer hair. He took an unexpected liking to me, and started pursuing me romantically. I thought he was sweet, not at all the kind of nasty self-contained axis of evil I had imagined, although I found him more of an amusement than an attraction. He sent me packages and gifts, all signed: Karl Love

What can we make of that? I've already said too much.

Love Christine

Freak Museum -- May 7, 2005

Last weekend, Taylor and our friend Linda P and I went to the National Museum of Health and Medicine at the Walter Reed Army Hospital campus. After going through security and showing our id twice, we were then allowed to roam the campus unsupervised. There were canons posted at defensively strategic locations to encourage us to be on our best behavior.

The museum is a right good laugh. It features a delightful retrospective on "Field Medicine in the Civil War", complete with bullet-riddled skulls, bone pieces of the unfortunate casualties and even a few preserved soft body parts. YUMMY. Another exhibit focused on medical implements of yesteryear. For those of you who pine for the "good ol days", I'd say: "You must not be thinking of the dentist, and you CERTAINLY don't have the proctologist in mind." Oh yeah, nothing warms the heart quite like a display of gynecological implements from the days of yore--complete with rust.

For me, the highlight has to be the collection of deformed fetuses floating in preserving fluids. Proof that not all babies are cute (or alive).

Now, for your view pleasure, the evidence:


Linda and Taylor prove "We were here"

Taylor imitates art imitating bad taste

Part of the collection of "antique" medical implements: A Diagnostic Procto-Sigmoidoscope.....with light! circa 1965. It just didn't sit real well with me....har har

I think this one is self-explanatory. One must protect one's health for the good of the Allies. Click the pic for a larger view.

This poor guy was born without a brain. He's considering running for president.

National Cathedral--May 1, 2005

Visiting the National Cathedral. Lightening didn't even come anywhere near when I set foot in it....really.

Odd combo

Sin City on the clock --April 2005

I went to Laughlin, Nevada for a work meeting. Laughlin is where the over-75 set goes to gamble. In the rest rooms, there were syringe disposal containers. I'm not making that up. It was fun. I won $2.02 out of a slot machine into which I put no money at all. That was a very good return.

On our travel day, some of us computer comrades met up in Las Vegas to "do the town". I got lost at M&M world. It was tragic. I bought $5 worth of blue M&Ms for $18.


Vanessa, Karen, Carolyn & Me in "Paris". Vive la Official Work Travel.

Vanessa and Debbie's sock puppets deliver my "technical presentation" about Oracle metalink. I'm looking for a Tony for best actors and best playwrite.

DO NOT TAKE MY PICTURE!!!! The TSA professional makes sure the flying public is safe from Vanessa's knitting needles.

April News

Testing out a new government lunch program. This is the front of the Department of Education building. 

Taylor ran for Pope, but was edged out by an old guy with a taller hat. I voted for her! 

Power Broker -- Me and Gordon Smith, R-Oregon. Note--I went in Republican drag and claimed to be a swing voter. Very strategic, don't you think? 

Change Aversion: Another recovered memory by Christine

A few years ago, Taylor and I went to Zupan's, a high end grocery store in the high rent part of Portland. As we headed in, we saw a woman come out of the store with her groceries. Just before she got to her giant SUV, she pulled her hand from her pocket and threw a handful of coins on the ground. It was not as if she was giving them to a begger, she was just discarding them for some reason I can't fathom. Taylor and I watched in amazement, waited until she drove away, and then scrambled around the parking lot picking up all the coins.

Conclusion: Some people just can't stand change.

har har har

No Place for me in Paradise

Preface: My "family of origin" includes one Mother named "Mom", one father named "The Dick", one sister named Becky, one brother named Mark and one me named Xtine.

Last weekend, Taylor and I got together with my mom, Mom, for brunch. Mom told me this: "Your father bought four spots in Paradise."

Mental calculation: Mom, him, Becky, Mark. No spot for me?

Ok, this is no surprise. The Dick has written me off for having the nerve to not be a right wing republican, among a few other, minor (heh heh) infractions. But you didn't know he could ace me out of Paradise, did you?

Well, it turns out that Paradise is in Pennsylvania. Really! In the Alabama section, according to James Carville, who says that PA is just Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between. My father grew up in Paradise (this defies explanation), where his father was a preacher at a presbyterian church. His parents are buried in the cemetary there. That's the point, to spend eternity in Paradise. The Dick and the rest of the clan (the GOOD ones) will spend eternity there too. I said to Mom: "Don't worry about me. I have more friends in that other place anyway." Mom just looked exasperated.

February Recap

I noticed I've been falling off on my bloggerizing. I hope I haven't lost all my fans. Anybody who's given up on reading this, raise your hand now..... har har

Warning: If you don't know me, you may find what follows almost as boring as those who do know me find it.

Ok, here's the news:

In February, the weather was cold and scroungey. Not much playing outside going on. Taylor has to get up really early for work and walk in the scroungey weather a mile to work.

We had a flurry of activity over President's day weekend. On Saturday, we got together with long time friend and former camp counselor (yes, summer camp counselor from WAY back in the 70's or 80's or some such) Rodney. I made shake & bake and we had a nice evening catching up. On Sunday morning, Taylor & I left early and headed on a three day road trip. First, we met my mom for breakfast. Only, it turned out there was a small problem with the nice restaurant my mom picked: it opens at 5pm. Well, that's ok. It's at a hotel, and it turns out that the hotel has a nicer-than-average free buffet for the guests. Problem solved! We had breakfast and a good visit, although the food wasn't exceptional. But the price was right! Oh, and for the record, Mom DID ask at the front desk and they said we should feel free. har har

After that, we went and visited another summer camp friend, Andra. Had fun with her, and her cute little pip squeeks. Carly ran me ragged in the mall. Ryan tried to kill himself tumbling down a cliff. I scared the kids by pretending that a ground hog was attacking me and dragging me into its hole. And Andra was glad to have conversation above the 5 year old level. It was a normal day in suburbia. Andra's husband, Chris, is a drug pusher (pharmaceutical rep). He kindly supplied me with some cool paraphernalia. My favorite is the (large, fat) ball point pen that says VIAGRA on it. There's a wireless mouse that says Xanax and a Detrol clock, presumably reminding us that we'll have more time for life if we take Detrol to reduce our over active bladder problems.

We went from Andra's in Delaware to my sister's place in Philadelphia. Becky has fixed the place all up, I am please to say. She bought a townhouse about 4 years ago in a sketchy area of Philly for $40k. She's fixed it all up, and when the city removed the end unit that was falling off, that helped significantly. On Tuesday, I went to a database seminar while Becky toured Taylor around the historical and cultural sights of our country's first capital. So much fun.

Had dinner on Tuesday with college friend Lloyd and his partner Doug. They are both IT geeks. We had scintillating conversation about due-dilligence in information security and fried grilled cheese sandwiches.

Then we came home and rescued the bored kitties. We were glad the apartment staff had fed the cats and not noticed that I've pulled the fire alarm off the wall and suffocated it in a plastic bag. Taylor was SURE we'd come back to find our stuff and the cats piled on the curb with a note saying: "You agreed not to tamper with the fire alarm." Being of calmer disposition (ha!), I was never worried about eviction. I figure: They don't want to get rid of us. They'll just fine us a few thousand dollars and let us stay.

Well, if the stupid smoke detector didn't go off every time I make shake-n-bake, then this wouldn't be an issue.

Ok. Then we were home and back to work. There was snow. I worked from home Thursday & Friday. Very nice.

Last weekend, Feb 26 & 27, we went on a walk through Georgetown. I love the old architecture and the tobacco shop that sells hookahs and bongs. They have one hookah that is about 6 feet tall and has eight hoses or tubes, or snorkels, or whatever they're called. I really need to bring my camera on these excursions.

On Sunday, I cannot remember what, if anything, we did. And that has NOTHING to do with the Hookah Hut in Georgetown.

This coming weekend, we are going to help marshal the Alexandria St Patricks Day parade with some friends from my work, unless the weather is crappy and I bail. I'll report on that in a month if I remember.

And that's all the news from Capital City. Well, all the news that won't depress the shit out of you.

Overheard on the Metro

Truly important events are rarely publicized in the mass media. In order to find out about them, one must ride public transportation and overhear "private" conversations.

Overheard by me on the DC Metro Red Line recently:
Use and abuse of Power
"I have to go on tours of a dozen national parks to 'research' a park protection bill sponsored by several senators. It seems that the main sponsor owns land adjacent to a park and doesn't like airplanes flying over his property."

That is a cool job, where do I apply?

Overheard by me once on the Portland Light Rail train:
Yentl sighted in the Fast Lane
"There's gonna be a giant rave this weekend. You should come. I've been dating somebody I met at one a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if they're a guy or a girl."

The January Headlines

I've been slacking on the blogging thing lately, and some news has piled up. My resolutions didn't include blogging.

1. Inauguration/Coronation preparations
Now that I'm living 2 miles from the W-House and across the street from a high end mega-hotel, I get to watch the most expensive and intensely policed inauguration in history unfold. The inauguration is one week from today. The downtown area is full of bleachers constructed along the roads, extra road barricades (more about those later), and of course, W's elite fighter force, members of his G-had roam around looking menacing.

Yesterday, I saw three robo-cops in Metro Center with machine guns! Well, I am no gun expert, being a pansy liberal peace nic type. But they looked like what I imagine machine guns would look like. Don't point that thing at me. Another strange occurence is that the advertising posters are all covered with tape and plastic as if an explosion is expected. It makes me wonder if I should resume walking to work.


2. When a saw horse is not just a saw horse
Last week, Monica and Kate visited from Oregon for a single evening. After dinner, I convinced them to go on a driving tour of the downtown sites. Site seeing at night is not entirely conventional, but it's all we had. After getting somewhat lost on the way to the mall and having the Oregonians interpret the map for me, we found our way to the Lincolm Memorial and drove around the back of it. Taylor has a big thing about the Lincoln Memorial and wanted me to drop them off in front of it for a quick look. At that point, we were driving away, and the opposite direction appeared to lead to a nice little lot right next to the steps. The yellow line was blocked with saw horse traffic control things. Monica, bless her helpful heart, pointed out where one was down, so we made a U turn and headed for the lot. That's when a big truck put on it's high beams and started right toward us with police lights flashing. Not wanting to look like a terrorist, I stopped the car. As the terminator put his hand on his gun and approached us, I apparently said (according to later reports of eye witnesses in the back seat): "Show your hands and look harmless." He came over and said: "Did you see the barricade you just drove through?" I was thinking: "That's not a barricade. It's a frickin saw horse." But what I said was: "Um, yes sir." He requested my license and, whilst examining it, asked: "So, when is the last time you got a ticket?" I thought for a second and said: "I've never gotten a ticket." This is where the good part happened. While I am trying to avoid an all-expense paid trip to Guantanamo Bay, Taylor pipes up and says: "Yes you did! You got that ticket in Ashland!" I had to defend myself: "It didn't make it onto my record. " I was tempted to say: "Oh, yeah. While you're at it, maybe you should mention that dirty bomb in the trunk."

Thankfully, my license and plates are from Oregon and we apparently did a very good and genuine impression of hick tourists who just didn't get the seriousness of saw horses in DC. The kindly SS officer gave me a lecture about driving etiquette in the seat of super power and let us go.

Needless to say, Kate and Monica did not get to tour the Lincoln Memorial.


3. Literary Critic at Large
On the day after Christmas, I went to a play with my mother. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Here is this critic's review of the play:
If a doctor told me I had only one day left to live, I would go see Carousel at the Olney Theater Playhouse. That way, my last day would seem like eternity.


4. I just know there is something I'm forgetting. More later.


5. My new boss, who happens to work from Eugene, Oregon, seems amenable to the idea that I can do my job from Portland. I'll keep you all posted. My target timeframe is still about a year out. I know you'll miss the DC stories. Here is what I have to say about my time in DC:
I am very much looking forward to sitting in front of my fireplace in Portland telling stories about our time in DC.


6. Demolition in progress.
I remember what the other thing is. This is so cool! There is a building I can see from my window. It's about 100 yards away. It is being demolished, and it's fun to watch. Over the last couple of months, the interior of the building was stripped, which wasn't anything to watch. But on Monday, a crane came along. It had a hook. Guys inside the building catch the hook, wrap it around parts of the building sheething, and then the crane pulls it apart. It looks like a car bomb went off. On Tuesday, they replaced the hook with an actual wrecking ball and started pounding away. They've been pounding the building for three days now. They don't swing the ball into the side like I've seen on TV. They just pull it up and drop it straight down. Today I finally remembered to bring my video camera. Unfortunately, I missed the best part. The wrecking ball fell OFF of it's tether and became free range. So it's a good thing they aren't swinging it around.

More news as it happens.