Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Professional Portrait
Not really a post. Stupid MS Lync requires my picture on a non-authenticated website. This is my work portrait. Striking resemblance, don't you think?
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Earth4Energy Review
Review of www.earth4energy.com materials.
I've now watched all of the videos and glanced through the large pile of additional "Platinum Package" materials.
Here is the table of contents that the CD-ROM, which showed up as promised, shows:
Learning how to make my own solar panels:
1. Cost effectively for total system cost (not just per panel) -- D. The video talks about making a 60 watt panel for under $200. At $3.33 per watt, this is more than completed panels on ebay. I need $1 a watt or less. The video is at least two years old, and prices are lower now. Mostly, the video doesn't go into detail about how to get the parts for extra cheap. You'll have to go to YouTube and Google for that info.
2. In order to be able to pay back in energy generation within a few years -- C. There is a good amount of info about how to figure out your energy usage, how to conserve to reduce the need, how conservation pays back more than solar generation. This would be useful information if you've never gone through these exercises before. I have. Exhaustively. But for me, this is really just another way of stating number 1. I'll give it a C because of the material on energy use analysis and conservation.
3. That look good and not like home made clunky junk. A. The panel design and materials recommended are commercial looking. I would not be embarrassed to put them on my roof.
4. That I can add to my existing grid tied system. D. The only info is about how you should find an electrician and vet them. There is insufficient engineering information for actual end to end DIY on a grid tied system. Requires an electrician ($$$).
Overall grade for MY purpose: C
The general purpose review rating: B
I give Earth4Energy a B based on how well the product promises. I'm not so sure that, after watching those videos, I am really armed with enough info to cut my electric bills to zero. But I'm definitely closer to being ready to start my own skunkworks solar panel plant.
Why a B? Why higher than the "my purpose" grade of C? Because the material is well organized, well presented in a logical, digestible way, comprehensive at the starter DIY level, with good quality basic production values for the videos. It's a good package to help somebody get started. In short, I think it mostly does what it promises.
Why not A+? Because the details around grid tying are scant. The important electrical engineering type details around computing inverter sizing are lacking (or maybe I dozed off at that point). And I'm not sure the material is really worth $50. No doubt there are quite a few books available that cover the same material for $20. But if you like videos and want a pre-organized presentation, this would be a decent option. You do have 60 days to change your mind and ask for your money back.
If you are thinking of putting together DIY solar, this might be a good place for you to start your learning. Alternatively, if you are a real tightwad, you can find all of this information for free online from other sources. For a beginner (like I was before a lot of research), the google method will take a bit more effort in order to find and understand everything and how it fits together. Even if you watch all the Earth4Energy videos and read all the additional material, I would still recommend additional google searching and research. I have seen other techniques for constructing, encapsulating and protecting solar panels. I've seen other methods for gathering the wiring at the bottom, and other methods for framing. I do like the recommended framing method in the Earth4Energy videos using metal C framing. Think I'll use that tip.
The "bonus material" is, in my opinion, fluff and I'm not going to bother reviewing that stuff, not now at least. It could be interesting to some people. But I purchased the package for the solar info. I may look at the wind turbine material later. But I'll get my gardening, turning water into gasoline and zombie apocalypse survival info elsewhere.
Hope this helps you decide. I might be back in the future with my own recommendations for similar info from free sources or I might not... depends on if anybody seems interested and if I have the energy (yuk yuk). Comments would be useful.
I've now watched all of the videos and glanced through the large pile of additional "Platinum Package" materials.
Here is the table of contents that the CD-ROM, which showed up as promised, shows:
- Solar DIY Guide
- Wind DIY Guide
- Watch Earth4Energy Videos
- BONUS: Biodiesel - Alternative Gas For Your Car
- BONUS: US Tax Credit Forms
- BONUS: Canada Tax Credit Forms
- BONUS: Electrical Wiring Plans for Solar Panels
- BONUS: Installing & Mounting Solar Panels
- BONUS: Energy Consumer Guide
- BONUS: Wind Map Resources
- BONUS: Renewable Energy Guide
- CD BONUS: 101 Ways To Live Greener
- CD BONUS: Solar Energy For Power
- CD BONUS: 62 Ways To Save Money At The Gas Pump
- PLATINUM PACKAGE: >> Access Platinum Package Here <
Learning how to make my own solar panels:
1. Cost effectively for total system cost (not just per panel) -- D. The video talks about making a 60 watt panel for under $200. At $3.33 per watt, this is more than completed panels on ebay. I need $1 a watt or less. The video is at least two years old, and prices are lower now. Mostly, the video doesn't go into detail about how to get the parts for extra cheap. You'll have to go to YouTube and Google for that info.
2. In order to be able to pay back in energy generation within a few years -- C. There is a good amount of info about how to figure out your energy usage, how to conserve to reduce the need, how conservation pays back more than solar generation. This would be useful information if you've never gone through these exercises before. I have. Exhaustively. But for me, this is really just another way of stating number 1. I'll give it a C because of the material on energy use analysis and conservation.
3. That look good and not like home made clunky junk. A. The panel design and materials recommended are commercial looking. I would not be embarrassed to put them on my roof.
4. That I can add to my existing grid tied system. D. The only info is about how you should find an electrician and vet them. There is insufficient engineering information for actual end to end DIY on a grid tied system. Requires an electrician ($$$).
Overall grade for MY purpose: C
The general purpose review rating: B
I give Earth4Energy a B based on how well the product promises. I'm not so sure that, after watching those videos, I am really armed with enough info to cut my electric bills to zero. But I'm definitely closer to being ready to start my own skunkworks solar panel plant.
Why a B? Why higher than the "my purpose" grade of C? Because the material is well organized, well presented in a logical, digestible way, comprehensive at the starter DIY level, with good quality basic production values for the videos. It's a good package to help somebody get started. In short, I think it mostly does what it promises.
Why not A+? Because the details around grid tying are scant. The important electrical engineering type details around computing inverter sizing are lacking (or maybe I dozed off at that point). And I'm not sure the material is really worth $50. No doubt there are quite a few books available that cover the same material for $20. But if you like videos and want a pre-organized presentation, this would be a decent option. You do have 60 days to change your mind and ask for your money back.
If you are thinking of putting together DIY solar, this might be a good place for you to start your learning. Alternatively, if you are a real tightwad, you can find all of this information for free online from other sources. For a beginner (like I was before a lot of research), the google method will take a bit more effort in order to find and understand everything and how it fits together. Even if you watch all the Earth4Energy videos and read all the additional material, I would still recommend additional google searching and research. I have seen other techniques for constructing, encapsulating and protecting solar panels. I've seen other methods for gathering the wiring at the bottom, and other methods for framing. I do like the recommended framing method in the Earth4Energy videos using metal C framing. Think I'll use that tip.
The "bonus material" is, in my opinion, fluff and I'm not going to bother reviewing that stuff, not now at least. It could be interesting to some people. But I purchased the package for the solar info. I may look at the wind turbine material later. But I'll get my gardening, turning water into gasoline and zombie apocalypse survival info elsewhere.
Hope this helps you decide. I might be back in the future with my own recommendations for similar info from free sources or I might not... depends on if anybody seems interested and if I have the energy (yuk yuk). Comments would be useful.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
A Real Review of Earth4Energy
I just bought the Earth4Energy package for $50, a "special" that, as far as I can tell, is perpetual. I looked all over for a real review of this material. Looking all over consists of googling "earth4energy reviews" and looking at least through page 2 of the results. I didn't find any review that looks real and substantive. So, I bit anyway, even though there is a buttload (that IS a real unit of measure) of free DIY solar stuff all over the web. But the (shill-looking) reviews for Earth4Energy (E4E) roped me in with hopes of centralized, organized, quick acting info.
I just now downloaded all the ebooks and quicktime movies and started looking. Too soon to say if I'm satisfied. So far I'm not super impressed, but not disgusted or dissatisfied. I will be going through the material to see how well it will meet my goals of:
Learning how to make my own solar panels:
1. cost effectively for total system cost (not just per panel)
2. in order to be able to pay back in energy generation within a few years
3. that look good and not like home made clunky junk
4. that I can add to my existing grid tied system
I also need enough information to know how to properly design panels for my existing grid tied system:
size, power, etc etc. And I need to be able to figure enough about the the existing infrastructure (inverter, other bits and whatever) to know how much additional capacity it can handle and whatever else I don't even know I need to know....
So far, the video about adding panels to a grid tied system was not about the system engineering and all about caveat emptor:
Get a professional
Check out the professional
Learn and meet your local codes
Be careful with electricity
Don't be careless with electricity
Electricity is dangerous
Don't run with scissors
etc
I've only just started looking over the material, and I understand there are some CD's coming in the mail. I'm hoping (because I did pay for this stuff and would love to declare that it was a smart move) that my questions are all well answered in the materials that I haven't looked at yet. Hopefully there won't also be a SLAPP suit for me to stop writing a review. I did read the part in the user agreement (that nobody really reads) about how I'm not supposed to copy any of the material. Just FYI, that summary of the "adding solar panels" movie is definitely NOT verbatim. Didn't notice if the agreement said anything about a blunt review.
I'll update the review as I go through the material. I suppose I can't promise I won't eventually decide the package is great and put a link to it in my material and hope to get rich, retire early, and make so much on my cut of the sales that I can just unplug the solar panels and PAY MARKET RATE for electricity. BUT.... that certainly remains to be seen.
I just now downloaded all the ebooks and quicktime movies and started looking. Too soon to say if I'm satisfied. So far I'm not super impressed, but not disgusted or dissatisfied. I will be going through the material to see how well it will meet my goals of:
Learning how to make my own solar panels:
1. cost effectively for total system cost (not just per panel)
2. in order to be able to pay back in energy generation within a few years
3. that look good and not like home made clunky junk
4. that I can add to my existing grid tied system
I also need enough information to know how to properly design panels for my existing grid tied system:
size, power, etc etc. And I need to be able to figure enough about the the existing infrastructure (inverter, other bits and whatever) to know how much additional capacity it can handle and whatever else I don't even know I need to know....
So far, the video about adding panels to a grid tied system was not about the system engineering and all about caveat emptor:
Get a professional
Check out the professional
Learn and meet your local codes
Be careful with electricity
Don't be careless with electricity
Electricity is dangerous
Don't run with scissors
etc
I've only just started looking over the material, and I understand there are some CD's coming in the mail. I'm hoping (because I did pay for this stuff and would love to declare that it was a smart move) that my questions are all well answered in the materials that I haven't looked at yet. Hopefully there won't also be a SLAPP suit for me to stop writing a review. I did read the part in the user agreement (that nobody really reads) about how I'm not supposed to copy any of the material. Just FYI, that summary of the "adding solar panels" movie is definitely NOT verbatim. Didn't notice if the agreement said anything about a blunt review.
I'll update the review as I go through the material. I suppose I can't promise I won't eventually decide the package is great and put a link to it in my material and hope to get rich, retire early, and make so much on my cut of the sales that I can just unplug the solar panels and PAY MARKET RATE for electricity. BUT.... that certainly remains to be seen.
Monday, February 14, 2011
It's 2011
Question: scrap the blog or keep it going?
Decision: keep it going.
Reason: because I don't want google to erase it. I am fully aware nobody reads this. If you are reading it, ask yourself: "Am I nobody?" One of us will be wrong.
Why did I do this to begin with?: Because it's a journal and it's fun and in my next life I'll need material for my stand up. And I certainly won't be remembering material with my own brain. Hopefully the internet will remember it for me. Most of this isn't material anyway.
entry: Last weekend, Taylor and I went with Markie and Pearl & Jeffy to their Netarts beach house. Had a very very nice time as usual, but I may never be invited back. Why might I never be invited back? Possibly because I ruined everything Pearl loves. Poor Pearl. He's going to have a world class crisis. We'll know it's REAL bad if we catch him midnight gardening on a rainy saturday night in the middle of the street with a dangerous looking gardening spork.
What could cause such a severe crisis? First thing, I made the mistake of observing that mini shrimp cocktail are just "grubs in cocktail sauce". Poor Pearl. He takes these things soooo literally. I'll have to consult more with Markie about personality types to understand this better. Until this is resolved, it looks like shrimps AND grubs will be safe from Pearl. The rest of us didn't seem too bothered. In fact, I'm starting to think I could deal with the bug eating portions of Survivor. There are many other survivor aspects I still can't face though, so don't go looking for me on the next season. Not that you were going to. I don't think anybody even watches that show any more.
And THEN, I ruined the beach radio station for Pearl when I pointed out that "This is the music I hear when I go to nursing homes." At some point, Pearl will wake up and wonder how I know so much about nursing homes, but until then, the poor guy is stuck watching realtors tour around idiot clients on Home & Garden TV house hunting shows. What a way to never get a break!
I decided to go easy on the gang and not ruin WORK for them until next time. Next time, which, if the invite comes (oh, it already did), proves that the nursing home is probably more realistic than
Oh dear, I forgot where I was.
Decision: keep it going.
Reason: because I don't want google to erase it. I am fully aware nobody reads this. If you are reading it, ask yourself: "Am I nobody?" One of us will be wrong.
Why did I do this to begin with?: Because it's a journal and it's fun and in my next life I'll need material for my stand up. And I certainly won't be remembering material with my own brain. Hopefully the internet will remember it for me. Most of this isn't material anyway.
entry: Last weekend, Taylor and I went with Markie and Pearl & Jeffy to their Netarts beach house. Had a very very nice time as usual, but I may never be invited back. Why might I never be invited back? Possibly because I ruined everything Pearl loves. Poor Pearl. He's going to have a world class crisis. We'll know it's REAL bad if we catch him midnight gardening on a rainy saturday night in the middle of the street with a dangerous looking gardening spork.
What could cause such a severe crisis? First thing, I made the mistake of observing that mini shrimp cocktail are just "grubs in cocktail sauce". Poor Pearl. He takes these things soooo literally. I'll have to consult more with Markie about personality types to understand this better. Until this is resolved, it looks like shrimps AND grubs will be safe from Pearl. The rest of us didn't seem too bothered. In fact, I'm starting to think I could deal with the bug eating portions of Survivor. There are many other survivor aspects I still can't face though, so don't go looking for me on the next season. Not that you were going to. I don't think anybody even watches that show any more.
And THEN, I ruined the beach radio station for Pearl when I pointed out that "This is the music I hear when I go to nursing homes." At some point, Pearl will wake up and wonder how I know so much about nursing homes, but until then, the poor guy is stuck watching realtors tour around idiot clients on Home & Garden TV house hunting shows. What a way to never get a break!
I decided to go easy on the gang and not ruin WORK for them until next time. Next time, which, if the invite comes (oh, it already did), proves that the nursing home is probably more realistic than
Oh dear, I forgot where I was.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
At Xmas, safety comes second
And it can start right after I finish with these lights, which are what comes FIRST. I put up lights along the roofline yesterday. They're the new, pretty, energy efficient LED kind. I put these up yesterday, Monday before Thanksgiving. It's my earliest yet. It was a dry day, and I thought I'd put a little pressure on the other neighbors to glam it up a little. It worked. Within a few hours, John, two doors down, had posted something snippy about it on facebook. Evil plan working....
Today, Tuesday was a pretty, sunny day, a rarity at this time of year. So I took off early in the afternoon to put up some more lights and up the ante just a bit more on John and HIS ilk. Since I redid the siding the south side, I'm no longer afraid of the ladder, so I can just run up and down it all day long, lights here....lights there...scrape a little paint on that board, take down the old awning, wash this window up here. Washing the window has been on the to-do list for about, oh, 7 years. So, I set up the hose and take aim for WINDOW DIRT. After a minute or so, the funny buzzing noise started...getting louder...LOUDER....ZAP. Funny noise stops, and I realized the GFCI outlet that I have the lights plugged into just popped. It happens, especially with THAT outlet. I've already replaced it myself several times (That was foreshadowing....noted here for those you of who have a hard time with real literature such as this). I yanked out the power cord quickly, in the hope that if it were live, being quick would save me from electrocution. I made a mental note that I'll have to replace that outlet again, and went back to work washing the window.
A few minutes later, the noise started again. buzzzzzz buZZZZZZZZZZZ BUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ WAMMMM! black smoke...coming out of the wall...more buzzing....MORE BLACK SMOKE....It seemed like forever that I stared at that thing, with the thick smoke coming out faster and faster, thinking...at any moment the circuit is going to pop. Then I realized....CRAP!!!!!! The circuit isn't going to pop....THE HOUSE IS GOING TO CATCH ON FIRE! (In fact, I think it already IS on fire) I snapped into action and went flying through the house and tumbling down to the basement and turned off the entire house electric. Then I came barrelling back up where Taylor is now in the hallway asking: "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
Me (running back outside): I think the house is on fire!!!! Where's the fire extinguisher?
Taylor: I'm going to call the fire department
Me: NO NO NO I don't want them spraying water inside my wall....WHERE'S THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER?
Taylor: It's over there. I'm gonna call them. the house is on fire.
Me: I don't see it...It's not here....IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!!
Taylor (handing me the extinguisher): HERE! I'm calling the fire deparment!
Me (picking up the phone): no no no. I'll call john!
Taylor: What's John going to do?
Me: Oh...the electricity is off, can't call 911.
Taylor: Duh...we have CELL PHONES
Me: They won't be able to find us. DO NOT CALL 911!!!! The house isn't on fire
Taylor: It smells like it's on fire. What are you going to do?
I run outside and spray the wall with the fire extinguisher, accomplishing only a big poof of yellow powder mixing with the black smoke. Throw the extinguisher in the bushes. Run around in a circle 3 times and yell: DO NOT CALL 911!!! Then I ran away down the street (not making ANY of this up).
Two doors down, I'm at John's front door. BANG BANG BANG RING RING RING.... Kailem, the 6 year old with more energy than a lab puppy, came running. This must have sounded like the most potential excitement he's had at least all day (although, this is Kailem, I can not even begin to compete with him on the excitement plane). He opens the door and I go running in: Where's your dad? Put on your shoes. JOHN JOHN JOHN....COME NOW, MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND.....AND..... and kailem PUT ON YOUR SHOES.
All three of us go running back. Kailem in his socks (sorry, Sue) and John attempting to get me to tell him what happened.
John: What happened? KAILEM....Where are your shoes?
Me: Well, I was working on my xmas lights and...buzzzzz....bang....ummm.....smoke.....electric turned off...smoldering in walls
John: Oh, yeah. Did you see my facebook post about your lights?
Me: No, but if my computer doesn't burn up, I'll check it...later
We get to the house. Taylor is leaning out the door. "The wall inside is really hot. I think there's a fire inside the wall." John, bless his heart, dissected the outlet box while Kailem asked repeatedly: "Is the house on fire? Is the house on fire? I'M HUNGRY. Can I have a cookie? Can I have TWO?" John pulled the outlet apart, determined to his, but not yet Taylor's, satisfaction that the house wasn't on fire.
Me: You didn't call the fire department did you?
Taylor: No, but I should.
Me: Can we give some of those chocolate chip cookies to John and Kailem?
Taylor: They aren't baked. The oven went off when you turned off the electricity.
Kailem: Can I have two cookies?
Adults: WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?
John: The outlet is melted but the fire stayed inside the box. Whoever installed this outlet should be smacked.
Me: uhhh...I installed it.
John: Oh, right. Well, it's not SOOO bad. ... What's all this yellow crap? (snort cough)
Me: Fire extinguisher stuff
John removed the outlet box and we marvelled at its melty burniness. Taylor was, at this point, concentrating on how horrible it smelled and opening all the house doors and windows. Just then, a guy pulled up in front of my house.
(I am STILL NOT MAKING THIS UP)
Me: OH. That must be the inspector from my new homeowners insurance company. He's coming to inspect my house for approval.
Bruce: Hi, I'm Bruce from Travellers Insurance and I just need to see your electrical box.
.
.
.
Just give that a second to sink in.
.
.
.
Me: Uhhhh....I hope you don't mind if we use a flashlight. We have the electricity off at the moment, we were just....uh....testing our emergency systems. The test was a success, as you can see.
Bruce: Uh huh....Don't worry. I've driven up to a house for inspection that had a forest fire burning about 100 feet away from it, and a house with 4 feet of flood water. This is nothing.
I wanted to ask him: "Right, but did those people get their insurance cancelled?" I didn't.
Bruce came and went and hopefully my insurance won't be cancelled. I pointed out all the safety features we have: GFCI outlets, handy fire extinguishers, an accessbile electric box with quick shutoff switch, rabbits. Now, I am just hoping they don't realize the new tankless water heater was installed without a permit.
And, back to the front of the house. We have the wires all pulled out and the electricity is off, all the lights are out which effectively puts the bunnies to bed real early, the house is getting cold, the cookies are raw, and I'm afraid to turn the electricity back on. So, in a mix of high tech (cell phone...is that still considered high tech) and low tech (phone book), I found an electrician who could come over right away. And now....maybe that outlet will last more than one year like all the rest I installed, and hopefully there really is no fire inside the wall.
All this excitement caused me to forget (until now) that this morning I stepped in a nice big steaming fresh pile of dog doo and got it all over my sandal AND on my pant leg cuff. eeeeew. Have to do something more serious that _almost_ burn the house down to get that out of my mind.
Ah yes, and after all this, I still got more lights up. Now, Xmas Safety can start.
Today, Tuesday was a pretty, sunny day, a rarity at this time of year. So I took off early in the afternoon to put up some more lights and up the ante just a bit more on John and HIS ilk. Since I redid the siding the south side, I'm no longer afraid of the ladder, so I can just run up and down it all day long, lights here....lights there...scrape a little paint on that board, take down the old awning, wash this window up here. Washing the window has been on the to-do list for about, oh, 7 years. So, I set up the hose and take aim for WINDOW DIRT. After a minute or so, the funny buzzing noise started...getting louder...LOUDER....ZAP. Funny noise stops, and I realized the GFCI outlet that I have the lights plugged into just popped. It happens, especially with THAT outlet. I've already replaced it myself several times (That was foreshadowing....noted here for those you of who have a hard time with real literature such as this). I yanked out the power cord quickly, in the hope that if it were live, being quick would save me from electrocution. I made a mental note that I'll have to replace that outlet again, and went back to work washing the window.
A few minutes later, the noise started again. buzzzzzz buZZZZZZZZZZZ BUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ WAMMMM! black smoke...coming out of the wall...more buzzing....MORE BLACK SMOKE....It seemed like forever that I stared at that thing, with the thick smoke coming out faster and faster, thinking...at any moment the circuit is going to pop. Then I realized....CRAP!!!!!! The circuit isn't going to pop....THE HOUSE IS GOING TO CATCH ON FIRE! (In fact, I think it already IS on fire) I snapped into action and went flying through the house and tumbling down to the basement and turned off the entire house electric. Then I came barrelling back up where Taylor is now in the hallway asking: "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
Me (running back outside): I think the house is on fire!!!! Where's the fire extinguisher?
Taylor: I'm going to call the fire department
Me: NO NO NO I don't want them spraying water inside my wall....WHERE'S THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER?
Taylor: It's over there. I'm gonna call them. the house is on fire.
Me: I don't see it...It's not here....IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!!
Taylor (handing me the extinguisher): HERE! I'm calling the fire deparment!
Me (picking up the phone): no no no. I'll call john!
Taylor: What's John going to do?
Me: Oh...the electricity is off, can't call 911.
Taylor: Duh...we have CELL PHONES
Me: They won't be able to find us. DO NOT CALL 911!!!! The house isn't on fire
Taylor: It smells like it's on fire. What are you going to do?
I run outside and spray the wall with the fire extinguisher, accomplishing only a big poof of yellow powder mixing with the black smoke. Throw the extinguisher in the bushes. Run around in a circle 3 times and yell: DO NOT CALL 911!!! Then I ran away down the street (not making ANY of this up).
Two doors down, I'm at John's front door. BANG BANG BANG RING RING RING.... Kailem, the 6 year old with more energy than a lab puppy, came running. This must have sounded like the most potential excitement he's had at least all day (although, this is Kailem, I can not even begin to compete with him on the excitement plane). He opens the door and I go running in: Where's your dad? Put on your shoes. JOHN JOHN JOHN....COME NOW, MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND.....AND..... and kailem PUT ON YOUR SHOES.
All three of us go running back. Kailem in his socks (sorry, Sue) and John attempting to get me to tell him what happened.
John: What happened? KAILEM....Where are your shoes?
Me: Well, I was working on my xmas lights and...buzzzzz....bang....ummm.....smoke.....electric turned off...smoldering in walls
John: Oh, yeah. Did you see my facebook post about your lights?
Me: No, but if my computer doesn't burn up, I'll check it...later
We get to the house. Taylor is leaning out the door. "The wall inside is really hot. I think there's a fire inside the wall." John, bless his heart, dissected the outlet box while Kailem asked repeatedly: "Is the house on fire? Is the house on fire? I'M HUNGRY. Can I have a cookie? Can I have TWO?" John pulled the outlet apart, determined to his, but not yet Taylor's, satisfaction that the house wasn't on fire.
Me: You didn't call the fire department did you?
Taylor: No, but I should.
Me: Can we give some of those chocolate chip cookies to John and Kailem?
Taylor: They aren't baked. The oven went off when you turned off the electricity.
Kailem: Can I have two cookies?
Adults: WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?
John: The outlet is melted but the fire stayed inside the box. Whoever installed this outlet should be smacked.
Me: uhhh...I installed it.
John: Oh, right. Well, it's not SOOO bad. ... What's all this yellow crap? (snort cough)
Me: Fire extinguisher stuff
John removed the outlet box and we marvelled at its melty burniness. Taylor was, at this point, concentrating on how horrible it smelled and opening all the house doors and windows. Just then, a guy pulled up in front of my house.
(I am STILL NOT MAKING THIS UP)
Me: OH. That must be the inspector from my new homeowners insurance company. He's coming to inspect my house for approval.
Bruce: Hi, I'm Bruce from Travellers Insurance and I just need to see your electrical box.
.
.
.
Just give that a second to sink in.
.
.
.
Me: Uhhhh....I hope you don't mind if we use a flashlight. We have the electricity off at the moment, we were just....uh....testing our emergency systems. The test was a success, as you can see.
Bruce: Uh huh....Don't worry. I've driven up to a house for inspection that had a forest fire burning about 100 feet away from it, and a house with 4 feet of flood water. This is nothing.
I wanted to ask him: "Right, but did those people get their insurance cancelled?" I didn't.
Bruce came and went and hopefully my insurance won't be cancelled. I pointed out all the safety features we have: GFCI outlets, handy fire extinguishers, an accessbile electric box with quick shutoff switch, rabbits. Now, I am just hoping they don't realize the new tankless water heater was installed without a permit.
And, back to the front of the house. We have the wires all pulled out and the electricity is off, all the lights are out which effectively puts the bunnies to bed real early, the house is getting cold, the cookies are raw, and I'm afraid to turn the electricity back on. So, in a mix of high tech (cell phone...is that still considered high tech) and low tech (phone book), I found an electrician who could come over right away. And now....maybe that outlet will last more than one year like all the rest I installed, and hopefully there really is no fire inside the wall.
All this excitement caused me to forget (until now) that this morning I stepped in a nice big steaming fresh pile of dog doo and got it all over my sandal AND on my pant leg cuff. eeeeew. Have to do something more serious that _almost_ burn the house down to get that out of my mind.
Ah yes, and after all this, I still got more lights up. Now, Xmas Safety can start.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Drama at Easter Acres: Fuzz vs Beaker
Fuzz the Bunny and Beaker the (probably) hen have had it in for each other for a while now. They stare each other down through the fence and Beaker tries to peck Fuzz's ears.Fuzz: I dare you to come in here and hop it out...
Beaker: Oh YEAH....Maybe I WILL!
Beaker decides to come in the pen and settle things like Easter animals....
(Note...this has got to be the funniest video I've ever managed to get. Of course, I'm completely biased. But if you steal it and make a lot of money, you have to give ALL the money to rabbit rescue groups. ALL OF IT!!! )
Monday, July 20, 2009
Trek in the Park is OUT OF THIS WORLD!
Went to see "Trek in the Park" on Saturday with Taylor and our total trek-nerd (trekie? trekker? whatever...) friend Melissa. This is a presentation of a group of young local actors who are acting out an episode of the classic, original Star Trek series. It's not a spoof, it's not a dramatically improved reinterpretation, it's pretty much a copy, minus most of the set...same dialogue and actions, same tone and inflection, even sound effects and music. And it is AWE---SOME! The crowd was overflowing. My completely unsupported, unscientific guestimate is at least 1000 people. I'm going again next Sunday, and this time we'll beam down early to get better seats.
According to the star, Captain Kirk, I mean Adam Rosko, with whom I had a just-post-noon beer a few Saturdays ago which proves I'm cool, he says this is the first ever "straight up" theater rendition of Star Trek. Of course, there have been spoofs, but this one is not a spoof (except in as much as Star Trek spoofs itself). They are putting it on two more nights, next Sat and Sunday in Portland's Woodlawn Park. Beam down....consider that an ORDER.
I didn't hear any announcements banning cameras or recording devices, so here are a few snaps I took:
The crew on the bridge. Left to right: Cmd Chekov (yellow shirt, complete with Rah-shin accent), Lt Uhura (red dress, scientific sounding lines), Spock (blue shirt, pointy ears, tragic hairstyle) , Capt James Tiberius Kirk (yellow shirt, overly serious expression), Sulu (yellow shirt, typing on special high tech invisible console) and (uh oh, can't remember the name) (blue dress, giant crush on spock)
High drama on the bridge.
Fight to the DEATH (or....is it?)
According to the star, Captain Kirk, I mean Adam Rosko, with whom I had a just-post-noon beer a few Saturdays ago which proves I'm cool, he says this is the first ever "straight up" theater rendition of Star Trek. Of course, there have been spoofs, but this one is not a spoof (except in as much as Star Trek spoofs itself). They are putting it on two more nights, next Sat and Sunday in Portland's Woodlawn Park. Beam down....consider that an ORDER.
I didn't hear any announcements banning cameras or recording devices, so here are a few snaps I took:
The crew on the bridge. Left to right: Cmd Chekov (yellow shirt, complete with Rah-shin accent), Lt Uhura (red dress, scientific sounding lines), Spock (blue shirt, pointy ears, tragic hairstyle) , Capt James Tiberius Kirk (yellow shirt, overly serious expression), Sulu (yellow shirt, typing on special high tech invisible console) and (uh oh, can't remember the name) (blue dress, giant crush on spock)
High drama on the bridge.
Fight to the DEATH (or....is it?)Sunday, July 19, 2009
Things you'd ought not to say
Based on my own personally collected data, here are a few things that are probably best let unsaid:
In a room full of men: "Ok, who has the smallest feet?"
To the neighbor who has informed you that you should not spray the weeds: "So, you want me to have something I don't want, namely, weeds. And you're not going to offer any concession in return?"
To the neighbor who is talking more than you feel like listening: "Are you stoned? Oh, I guess it's just the Philadelphia in you."
To the neighbor you just now met: him: "Do you play frisbee?" me: "no, unless frisbee is code for something, in which case I love frisbee and play it all the time." Him: " ummmmmmm....frisbee, the flying disk thing."
To the person you're meeting for the first time after having talk to them on the phone many times: "Oh! I thought you'd be thinner."
There are more, I'm sure of that. I'll be back.
In a room full of men: "Ok, who has the smallest feet?"
To the neighbor who has informed you that you should not spray the weeds: "So, you want me to have something I don't want, namely, weeds. And you're not going to offer any concession in return?"
To the neighbor who is talking more than you feel like listening: "Are you stoned? Oh, I guess it's just the Philadelphia in you."
To the neighbor you just now met: him: "Do you play frisbee?" me: "no, unless frisbee is code for something, in which case I love frisbee and play it all the time." Him: " ummmmmmm....frisbee, the flying disk thing."
To the person you're meeting for the first time after having talk to them on the phone many times: "Oh! I thought you'd be thinner."
There are more, I'm sure of that. I'll be back.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Death awaits you...with nasty big POINTY TEETH
That rabbit is DYNAMITE.
Bunbert BIT me, bit the holy hand granade out of my left hand yesterday. Chomp chomp chomp. Rabbit bites leave little parallel lines of bleeding misery. And, get this, a day later it really hurts and I think it might be getting infected. I know what happened. She didn't intend to hurt me (she wants me to believe this). We were having quality cuddle time when Bart sneaked up behind her and goosed her. She HATES to be surprised like this and took it out on the nearest piece of juicy, soft flesh which was the side of my left hand.
I probably shouldn't post that picture. But...Bunbert probably shouldn't bite the hand that feeds her. Taylor says she bit me because I gave her a stupid name. I could rename her "Killer Bunbert Rabbit Of Caerbannog."
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
What working at home will do
I admit that the quality of my articles is on the decline. However, that does not stop me. Here are some portraits of my foster bunny, Fuzz, dressed up in bunny clothing. I've become...a person who dresses their pets. Send the meteorologists down to hell and check if it's frozen.
Fuzz sez: Check me out in my spanky new "Walkin vest with finder bell." Fuzz also sez: "I'll be available for adoption in a few months after I'm fixed. I'm currently broken. I can only live in a superb home of utmost quality and tasteful dress."
Fuzz sez: Check me out in my spanky new "Walkin vest with finder bell." Fuzz also sez: "I'll be available for adoption in a few months after I'm fixed. I'm currently broken. I can only live in a superb home of utmost quality and tasteful dress."
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Fargo
Newsflash: Fargo and Bunbert got on so swimmingly that Fargo moved in on Sunday. Five minutes later they were tearing each other's fur out and they've been separated ever since. They'll get over it.
Fargo & Bunbert, before honeymoon ended
Fargo & Bunbert, before honeymoon ended
Monday, March 09, 2009
And now...the energy audits
My new hobby shall be the scientific quantification of "Greener Than Thou". I will be performing energy audits for any friend of mine who dares. My only payment, enjoyment of your feelings of ecological guilt. I shall be the stern priestess of green, the nun of sustainability, the reverend of r-value. Everybody will fear (and despise) me. Mostly, they will just avoid me because they will eventually notice I've been wearing the same exact outfit for 6 months.
Pearl is first! See you this weekend Pearl.
I guess this means I need to report on my own efforts. Ok, look forward to:
1. Insulation updates -- increasing my daily intake of fiberglass
2. Tankless water heater -- how I reduced spider habitat in my basement AND saved electricity
3. Caulking and expando-foam -- the fun never ends AND never comes off your hands
4. Calculating how much money to stuff into your mattress. While not a specific energy conservation topic, less energy use makes for mattress-bound bucks.
Pearl is first! See you this weekend Pearl.
I guess this means I need to report on my own efforts. Ok, look forward to:
1. Insulation updates -- increasing my daily intake of fiberglass
2. Tankless water heater -- how I reduced spider habitat in my basement AND saved electricity
3. Caulking and expando-foam -- the fun never ends AND never comes off your hands
4. Calculating how much money to stuff into your mattress. While not a specific energy conservation topic, less energy use makes for mattress-bound bucks.
Bunbert gets a bill of health
That's probably clean.
Bunbert got fixed. Bunbert 1.0 had cancer, apparently. I never thought I would get so attached to a silly thing which people mistake for a rodent but which is really a lagomorph (whatever that is, a rabbit) and NOT a rat. Anyway, the vet had me convinced she was going to DIE SOON (and preferably expensively). I had to wait almost two weeks for this follow up to get x-rays of her lungs, where cancer typically moves from the uterus. The lungs looked clean, except for a spot that probably is nothing and he'll have a radiologist look at. Since when are there veterinary radiologists? I guess since now. But he thinks she's clean and my office can resume normal operations. Yay.
Bunbert 2.0. Cancer free (probably) and hoppy as ever.
Bunbert got fixed. Bunbert 1.0 had cancer, apparently. I never thought I would get so attached to a silly thing which people mistake for a rodent but which is really a lagomorph (whatever that is, a rabbit) and NOT a rat. Anyway, the vet had me convinced she was going to DIE SOON (and preferably expensively). I had to wait almost two weeks for this follow up to get x-rays of her lungs, where cancer typically moves from the uterus. The lungs looked clean, except for a spot that probably is nothing and he'll have a radiologist look at. Since when are there veterinary radiologists? I guess since now. But he thinks she's clean and my office can resume normal operations. Yay.
Bunbert 2.0. Cancer free (probably) and hoppy as ever.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Uhhhh, what was the question?
Actual true story.
A few days ago, it was nice and sunny and I was walking up the sidewalk wearing my fleece "viking" hat, with little white "horns". Coming toward me was a woman in her 70's or so, walking with her cane. As I passed her, she said something about the Easter Bunny. Some of the neighbors called Bunbert that. So I said: "Oh yes, I captured the Easter Bunny and I'm keeping it in my basement".
She looked a little confused and a few steps later I realized she had said: "Are YOU the Easter Bunny?"
A few days ago, it was nice and sunny and I was walking up the sidewalk wearing my fleece "viking" hat, with little white "horns". Coming toward me was a woman in her 70's or so, walking with her cane. As I passed her, she said something about the Easter Bunny. Some of the neighbors called Bunbert that. So I said: "Oh yes, I captured the Easter Bunny and I'm keeping it in my basement".
She looked a little confused and a few steps later I realized she had said: "Are YOU the Easter Bunny?"
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Bunny on the Prowl
I give up. I used to have an interesting life in the big city. Now I just hang around in the basement with a rabbit. So, here are some more stories and pictures of Bunbert.
VITAL STATS --I finally tracked down Bunbert's original person, one Clint, and he told me the following: She's approximately five years old, no exactly five years old, within 6 months or so, or maybe 4. He found her among 9 baby bunnies exactly, no approximately, 5 years ago in a tire behind a tire shop. He brought them home, fed them with a dropper, three survived. Long story short, after approximately exactly 5 years, Bunbert is the only one left. Her "maiden" name is Sabrina, and her maintenance level is v1.0, unfixed.
BUNNY SPEED DATING -- Bunbert (nee Sabrina) needs a mate, according to the veterinary assistant who thinks bunnies need mates (obviously). Lucky for Bunbert, the local chapter, the ONLY chapter, of the Rabbit Advocates hosted "Bunny Speed Dating" on Sunday, Feb 15th. This speed dating turned out like looking for a new husband at a nursing home. There must have been ten girls to every available (and nervous) boy. The consensus appears to be that most bunnies are straight, which we won't hold against them because it's not a choice. We set up Bunbert with one Harold, a super sweet cow print boy who would match her so nicely. Sadly, the date concluded, as so many first dates, with biting. Harold will have to go on more dates, but we got to keep a souvenir clump of Harold Hair. Very sad, but I didn't get any pictures. We were pretty busy. Bunnies on dates need serious chaperoning. There was one hermaphrodite rabbit that I would just LOVE to adopt, merely so I could name it Pat. But Pat was way too popular for Bunbert to get a date.
SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE -- Bunbert will go under the knife next Thursday to get fixed. By Friday, we hope to have a new, updated Bunbert 2.0 in production.
DIFFICULT CONCEPT -- Taylor keeps talking about buying a nice chicken complex for Bunbert and then getting chickens when Bunbert is "done" with it. I have to remind Taylor every time: We are going to have chickens and rabbits at the SAME TIME. She isn't getting it, but she will. Give it time.
THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO -- I just ordered a bunny harness and leash for walking your bunny in the neighborhood. Bunbert can visit all her old haunts, but with the added pleasure of being completely under somebody else's control. Who wouldn't LOVE that?
PICTURES -- Finally, the fun stuff.
I see you with that camera. Are there any raisins in that thing?
VITAL STATS --I finally tracked down Bunbert's original person, one Clint, and he told me the following: She's approximately five years old, no exactly five years old, within 6 months or so, or maybe 4. He found her among 9 baby bunnies exactly, no approximately, 5 years ago in a tire behind a tire shop. He brought them home, fed them with a dropper, three survived. Long story short, after approximately exactly 5 years, Bunbert is the only one left. Her "maiden" name is Sabrina, and her maintenance level is v1.0, unfixed.
BUNNY SPEED DATING -- Bunbert (nee Sabrina) needs a mate, according to the veterinary assistant who thinks bunnies need mates (obviously). Lucky for Bunbert, the local chapter, the ONLY chapter, of the Rabbit Advocates hosted "Bunny Speed Dating" on Sunday, Feb 15th. This speed dating turned out like looking for a new husband at a nursing home. There must have been ten girls to every available (and nervous) boy. The consensus appears to be that most bunnies are straight, which we won't hold against them because it's not a choice. We set up Bunbert with one Harold, a super sweet cow print boy who would match her so nicely. Sadly, the date concluded, as so many first dates, with biting. Harold will have to go on more dates, but we got to keep a souvenir clump of Harold Hair. Very sad, but I didn't get any pictures. We were pretty busy. Bunnies on dates need serious chaperoning. There was one hermaphrodite rabbit that I would just LOVE to adopt, merely so I could name it Pat. But Pat was way too popular for Bunbert to get a date.
SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE -- Bunbert will go under the knife next Thursday to get fixed. By Friday, we hope to have a new, updated Bunbert 2.0 in production.
DIFFICULT CONCEPT -- Taylor keeps talking about buying a nice chicken complex for Bunbert and then getting chickens when Bunbert is "done" with it. I have to remind Taylor every time: We are going to have chickens and rabbits at the SAME TIME. She isn't getting it, but she will. Give it time.
THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO -- I just ordered a bunny harness and leash for walking your bunny in the neighborhood. Bunbert can visit all her old haunts, but with the added pleasure of being completely under somebody else's control. Who wouldn't LOVE that?
PICTURES -- Finally, the fun stuff.
I see you with that camera. Are there any raisins in that thing?
If you want to have a picture where the bunny looks like she's giving you a kiss, you COULD try putting a raisin in your ear. You run the real risk of the bunny biting your ear. But, it's totally worth it.
a-tennnnn---SHON!
At ease...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Bunbert Update
I swear I have more significant posts to make, but after a couple of after work beers, that ain't happening. Here's all the stuff I can post without having to be completely coherent:
1. I decided that the bunny is my office assistant who does nothing useful and distracts me from being useful myself. I therefore named her Bunbert. Taylor doesn't like the name Bunbert. Bunbert...couldn't give a rip.
2. Bunbert has a foot fetish and spends hours every day (in between peeing on the carpet right NEXT to her box) under my desk getting freaky with my feet. It's cute in a mildly disturbing way.
3. I have been wasting lots of time (i mean using/passing/spending) lots of time with Facebook. If you actually know who I am (as opposed to the THOUSANDS of people who just read my rambling because it's the best thing you have to do), you can "friend" me and...and nothing much extra will happen but you will have more friends and therefore appear more successful in life to high school people who find you in facebook.
4. I was gonna write a lot of stuff and it was like so TOTALLY hilarious. It all escapes me at the moment.
5. Watching the news about Sam Adams and his "inappropriate relationship" and ensuing lies. I don't know if I think he should resign or not. I'm just disappointed in him. SAM SAM SAM....why couldn't you be smarter. You're a man. Can we forgive that? I guess we'll see. If you resign, who will be mayor?
1. I decided that the bunny is my office assistant who does nothing useful and distracts me from being useful myself. I therefore named her Bunbert. Taylor doesn't like the name Bunbert. Bunbert...couldn't give a rip.
2. Bunbert has a foot fetish and spends hours every day (in between peeing on the carpet right NEXT to her box) under my desk getting freaky with my feet. It's cute in a mildly disturbing way.
3. I have been wasting lots of time (i mean using/passing/spending) lots of time with Facebook. If you actually know who I am (as opposed to the THOUSANDS of people who just read my rambling because it's the best thing you have to do), you can "friend" me and...and nothing much extra will happen but you will have more friends and therefore appear more successful in life to high school people who find you in facebook.
4. I was gonna write a lot of stuff and it was like so TOTALLY hilarious. It all escapes me at the moment.
5. Watching the news about Sam Adams and his "inappropriate relationship" and ensuing lies. I don't know if I think he should resign or not. I'm just disappointed in him. SAM SAM SAM....why couldn't you be smarter. You're a man. Can we forgive that? I guess we'll see. If you resign, who will be mayor?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Well, helloooo handsome!
Short post, no time to chat. Bunny doing well, has taken over the office. Now it's my boss, threatening to dock my pay if I don't keep the raisins flowing.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
For those times when I said: "I wish it would snow more here"
Clearing off the car so I can go four wheelin.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Snow + Bunny = This week
Ok, that title doesn't make all that much sense. But, we have snow and a bunny. They are not mixed, for which the bunny is glad. The snow is indifferent.
The bunny is now living in my office for over a week. It went from scaredy bunny to sweet love bunny in record time. Now it would like it if I spent all day every day patting it on the head. Just don't pick it up. It doesn't like to be picked up. Its new name may be Snufflufugus, because I think that's a funny name. The bunny doesn't care. The bunny does care about raisins and ESPECIALLY cookies. Snuffy Cow Print is a poop machine. Hop...doodle...hop...doodle...hop...doodle. If she went into the woods, she'd be able to find her way back for sure. Also, the bunny, who is as brilliant as Taylor predicted, is now using a litter box (for peeing at least). I wouldn't say it is exactly "box trained". It found two places to pee, so I put a box in one place and its food in the other (theory..it won't pee near the food). It worked. Well, initially the box failed. The bunny did fine, but the box failed. It went into its little box and peed...right over the edge onto the floor. This it did twice. But I braved record snow to get a bigger box, and we're now 100%. Today Snuffy Cow Print is excited because I gave her an early Xmas gift, a cardboard BOX. She loves the box. The box is DA BOMB! She wouldn't go to bed tonight because she wanted to PLAY IN THE BOX, and nibble it some.
Right after we "got" the bunny, I read a website about "Rabbit Speak". My conclusion from applying the lessons in the website with my observations of the rabbit...this rabbit HATES ME. This was cause for some concern. But after a week, Snuffy doesn't do those hateful rabbit speak things like ears back, running away, stomping hissing spitting biting screaming and breathing fire. It just does sweet happy bunny things now like ears up, using the litter box, and acting happy when I give her a box.
Ok, enough about the bunny. Some pictures from this week.
Garden gnomes in the snow.
The bunny is now living in my office for over a week. It went from scaredy bunny to sweet love bunny in record time. Now it would like it if I spent all day every day patting it on the head. Just don't pick it up. It doesn't like to be picked up. Its new name may be Snufflufugus, because I think that's a funny name. The bunny doesn't care. The bunny does care about raisins and ESPECIALLY cookies. Snuffy Cow Print is a poop machine. Hop...doodle...hop...doodle...hop...doodle. If she went into the woods, she'd be able to find her way back for sure. Also, the bunny, who is as brilliant as Taylor predicted, is now using a litter box (for peeing at least). I wouldn't say it is exactly "box trained". It found two places to pee, so I put a box in one place and its food in the other (theory..it won't pee near the food). It worked. Well, initially the box failed. The bunny did fine, but the box failed. It went into its little box and peed...right over the edge onto the floor. This it did twice. But I braved record snow to get a bigger box, and we're now 100%. Today Snuffy Cow Print is excited because I gave her an early Xmas gift, a cardboard BOX. She loves the box. The box is DA BOMB! She wouldn't go to bed tonight because she wanted to PLAY IN THE BOX, and nibble it some.
Right after we "got" the bunny, I read a website about "Rabbit Speak". My conclusion from applying the lessons in the website with my observations of the rabbit...this rabbit HATES ME. This was cause for some concern. But after a week, Snuffy doesn't do those hateful rabbit speak things like ears back, running away, stomping hissing spitting biting screaming and breathing fire. It just does sweet happy bunny things now like ears up, using the litter box, and acting happy when I give her a box.
Ok, enough about the bunny. Some pictures from this week.
Me and my new bunny, at the beginning when the bunny was too scared to jump off my lap. Notice the ears are back, bunny speak for....I am NOT enjoying this but I'm too afraid to bite your finger off.
Scruffy, not at ALL pleased. Bunny is in HER territory.
Taylor and Pixel watch the snow.
Thomas Kincaid, eat yer cheeseball heart out.
Snow bird.
Snow tries to smoosh the "carport" and, in the process, my car.
Cat nap
More snow.
Garden gnomes in the snow.Saturday, December 13, 2008
Bunny Hunt, Day 6, Victory and for breakfast...BUNNY
pancakes.
I didn't bother with the net hammock rig yesterday because it was raining and, the fun stops when somebody gets their eye rained in. Or something to that effect. So, with the help of the Havahart Company of Lititz, Pennsylvania, I set a proper trap last night under the trees and when I checked this morning, there was one Cow Print Bunny smashed into it. It barely fit, but fit it did. There are no "bunny in the trap" pictures. That would be unbecoming of a bunny.
Now the bunny is living in its new rabitat in my basement office. We put it in there, with its new bed box filled with special, ridiculously expensive "Timothy Hay" that looks like lawn clippings, and its new litter box filled with overpriced stove pellets. It is settling in pretty well, checking things out. Sorry, but there won't be much to tell about now that I've caught it. That's why Elmer never caught Bugs, and Wiley never caught Roadrunner. Once you catch em, the fun part is over. One mildly amusing thing happened. Cow Print has decided to pee in its bed and nest in the litter box. Whatever works.
I decided that the 24" high fencing isn't high enough to reliably contain a natural hopper, so I went out and got a higher fence. And made the pen include the fireplace, which you may be able to see has white board in the top. That's to stop the backdraft. When we have a fire in the living room fireplace, right above the office one, it backdrafts like crazy and fills the room with smoke. Not good hospitality. Hopefully Cow Print doesn't chew the duct tape.
See, already so much less dramatic. Somebody asked me: "Why are you making a big deal out of this rabbit?" Why? I'll tell you why. Otherwise, it goes like this: "A stray rabbit came into my yard, I trapped it, put it in a pen in my office and now it just sits in the corner and stares at me." See how much LESS FUN that is to read? I'm just SAYIN.
New favorite spot, the fireplace:
I didn't bother with the net hammock rig yesterday because it was raining and, the fun stops when somebody gets their eye rained in. Or something to that effect. So, with the help of the Havahart Company of Lititz, Pennsylvania, I set a proper trap last night under the trees and when I checked this morning, there was one Cow Print Bunny smashed into it. It barely fit, but fit it did. There are no "bunny in the trap" pictures. That would be unbecoming of a bunny.Now the bunny is living in its new rabitat in my basement office. We put it in there, with its new bed box filled with special, ridiculously expensive "Timothy Hay" that looks like lawn clippings, and its new litter box filled with overpriced stove pellets. It is settling in pretty well, checking things out. Sorry, but there won't be much to tell about now that I've caught it. That's why Elmer never caught Bugs, and Wiley never caught Roadrunner. Once you catch em, the fun part is over. One mildly amusing thing happened. Cow Print has decided to pee in its bed and nest in the litter box. Whatever works.
I decided that the 24" high fencing isn't high enough to reliably contain a natural hopper, so I went out and got a higher fence. And made the pen include the fireplace, which you may be able to see has white board in the top. That's to stop the backdraft. When we have a fire in the living room fireplace, right above the office one, it backdrafts like crazy and fills the room with smoke. Not good hospitality. Hopefully Cow Print doesn't chew the duct tape.
See, already so much less dramatic. Somebody asked me: "Why are you making a big deal out of this rabbit?" Why? I'll tell you why. Otherwise, it goes like this: "A stray rabbit came into my yard, I trapped it, put it in a pen in my office and now it just sits in the corner and stares at me." See how much LESS FUN that is to read? I'm just SAYIN.
New favorite spot, the fireplace:
Friday, December 12, 2008
Bunny Hunt, Day 5, brainy bunny
Taylor wants the laundry basket back. I went out and saw that the bunny (admittedly, I'm only assuming it was the bunny) has chewed the string apart. The bunny basket trap was a non starter.
Taylor sez: I think you're not gonna catch that bunny. Evidence shows that it's smarter.
Smarter than WHAT?
Taylor sez: I think you're not gonna catch that bunny. Evidence shows that it's smarter.
Smarter than WHAT?
Bunny Hunt, Day 5, the continuing saga
I saw the bunny yesterday afternoon. I came home from errands, got out of the car, and it came right over to me. So I went in the house, got some food and prepared to try the "grab the rabbit" tactic. When I came out, that rabbit wouldn't come anywhere near me. Maybe I have a "tell". I think this bunny could have a future in tournament poker.
Today, I am going to make a net trap out of an old hammock. I have to figure out...should the net fall on the rabbit from above, or should I put it on the ground and have it lift up and "bag" the bunny?
Today, I am going to make a net trap out of an old hammock. I have to figure out...should the net fall on the rabbit from above, or should I put it on the ground and have it lift up and "bag" the bunny?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Bunny Hunt, Day 4, noon
No bunny sighting so far today.
My friend DJ said the way to catch a rabbit is to grab it by the scruff of the neck. Sounds great, DJ, but I don't see any rabbits in YOUR house!
Meanwhile, Scruffy thinks the rabitat is for her and has been sleeping in the box.
My friend DJ said the way to catch a rabbit is to grab it by the scruff of the neck. Sounds great, DJ, but I don't see any rabbits in YOUR house!
Meanwhile, Scruffy thinks the rabitat is for her and has been sleeping in the box.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Bunny Hunt, Day 3, late afternoon
You'll never believe what that darn bunny just did. Right in front of me, it went over to the trap, looked over its shoulder at me, then proceeded to reach under and PULL THE BOWL OUT. I'm remembering that Elmer Fudd and Wiley Coyote never caught their targets either.
Bunny Hunt, Day 3, later morning.
Damning evidence....
Look at me, I'm eating your bulb flower shoots right in FRONT OF YOU! bwa ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa
Forensic evidence, crocus stubs with chew marks
Look at me, I'm eating your bulb flower shoots right in FRONT OF YOU! bwa ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa
Forensic evidence, crocus stubs with chew marks
Bunny Hunt, Day 3, late morning
Bunny with new net. This net is OBVIOUSLY bigger. See how much smaller the bunny is next to this net.
PostScript: The bunny won't come anywhere near the new net. My only conclusion is: Bunny's do NOT like blue.
I'm starting to feel like Wiley Coyote. I'll go back to ACME and get a bigger net that I can drop DOWN on the bunny while it's eating at its bowl. More soon....
PostScript: The bunny won't come anywhere near the new net. My only conclusion is: Bunny's do NOT like blue.
I'm starting to feel like Wiley Coyote. I'll go back to ACME and get a bigger net that I can drop DOWN on the bunny while it's eating at its bowl. More soon....
Bunny Hunt, day 3, morning
Catching update: I got a bigger net yesterday. Taylor looked at it and said: "That's not bigger. It's just a different color." Oh. Well, maybe the bunny prefers silver and blue to all-black. I put the net out next to the bunny's food bowl (yes, I put out a food bowl for it a while ago). My hope is that Cow Print Bunny grows accustomed to the new blue and silver net and just puts itself in there for me.
Sighting update: I haven't seen the bunny this morning. I looked from three different windows and two doors, which is a statistically slightly less insignificant sample than just looking through the door.
Sighting update: I haven't seen the bunny this morning. I looked from three different windows and two doors, which is a statistically slightly less insignificant sample than just looking through the door.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Wascally Wabbit
Bunny in nature:
Bunny Hunter, totally UN natural:
Watch out bunny:
Destination Luxury:
Squatter:
Latest update: I almost caught the bunny. Almost... I need a bigger net.
Monday, December 08, 2008
SSShhhh, be veh wee Quiet
For the last two months, seems I've been adrift at sea in a turtled dinghy. But I'm back and now, and I'm hunting wabbits, cowpwint wabbits. My tulips asked me, with great desperation, to please PWEEZE catch this wabbit before spwing.
Here's the back story. Around spring of 2007, a domestic bunny appeared in the neighborhood. It is white with black spots and it's legal name (according to me) is "Cow Print Bunny". Cow print bunny has been free ranging over two full blocks for almost two years now, in and out of seasons, across years and definitely through the place where the wild things are (the neighbor's yard with the neighborhood kids). It eats pretty much anything, especially things you would rather NOT have eaten. Aside from eating everybody's gardens, it's a cute lawn ornament. And we all thought it was fine that a domestic wabbit went fwee wange. But then it made a crucial mistake....it moved into MY BACK YARD. My back yard has much flora on which a fwee wange wabbit can delectify. After two years of allowing the bunny to roam free as the wind (or not, I heard bunnies can't pass gas), I decided that alone on the range is no life for a lonely domestic rabbit. So I am going to adopt it. It has no IDEA how lucky it is about to become.
Today, during lunch hour, I got an indoor/outdoor exercise pen (aka: cage), a litter pan and litter pellets on the off chance the thing can be box trained, a small bag of grass for a large price (good grief), and some other bunny essentials. Oh, and a NET. Yep, I got a net from the fishin section of Target. They don't sell nets at Petco. At Petco, they assume you've already captured your furry companion.
Now, I'm waitin. Waitin for the wabbit. Because as soon as I was weady for it, it disappeared. But I'm gonna catch that wascally wabbit. And it's gonna live a luxurious life indoors where its new biggest concern will be boredom and the cat glaring at it.
And, I have just the right hat. I have a blue gingham Elmer Fudd hat. It's perfect. Wabbits LUV Elmer Fudd hats. At least I don't have a blunderbuss.
I'll keep you posted.
Here's the back story. Around spring of 2007, a domestic bunny appeared in the neighborhood. It is white with black spots and it's legal name (according to me) is "Cow Print Bunny". Cow print bunny has been free ranging over two full blocks for almost two years now, in and out of seasons, across years and definitely through the place where the wild things are (the neighbor's yard with the neighborhood kids). It eats pretty much anything, especially things you would rather NOT have eaten. Aside from eating everybody's gardens, it's a cute lawn ornament. And we all thought it was fine that a domestic wabbit went fwee wange. But then it made a crucial mistake....it moved into MY BACK YARD. My back yard has much flora on which a fwee wange wabbit can delectify. After two years of allowing the bunny to roam free as the wind (or not, I heard bunnies can't pass gas), I decided that alone on the range is no life for a lonely domestic rabbit. So I am going to adopt it. It has no IDEA how lucky it is about to become.
Today, during lunch hour, I got an indoor/outdoor exercise pen (aka: cage), a litter pan and litter pellets on the off chance the thing can be box trained, a small bag of grass for a large price (good grief), and some other bunny essentials. Oh, and a NET. Yep, I got a net from the fishin section of Target. They don't sell nets at Petco. At Petco, they assume you've already captured your furry companion.
Now, I'm waitin. Waitin for the wabbit. Because as soon as I was weady for it, it disappeared. But I'm gonna catch that wascally wabbit. And it's gonna live a luxurious life indoors where its new biggest concern will be boredom and the cat glaring at it.
And, I have just the right hat. I have a blue gingham Elmer Fudd hat. It's perfect. Wabbits LUV Elmer Fudd hats. At least I don't have a blunderbuss.
I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Xtine On: Things a Dinghy Skipper Knows (or will learn)
My boat is a dinghy. Dinghy is defined as: a small sailboat, typically under 20' in length, with a non weighted retractible centerboard. Hey...I just made that up, pretty astute sounding, if I do say so myself.
I am the skipper, being defined as: the goober trying to sail the dinghy.
Here are some lessons that I, as an experienced dinghy skipper, would like to impart on the next dinghy generation.
1. A dinghy sailboat can sail very well with a competent skipper at the helm (this is COMPLETELY theoretical to me, having never personally tested this concept).
2. In high wind, a dinghy sailboat can get far from the docks and from any other boats, especially when said dinghy is the only boat on the water and it's almost dark.
3. In high wind, a dinghy can capsize, although high winds are not always necessary.
4. If your dinghy capsizes, it can turn completely upside down with the mast pointing past the bottom of the river and toward the center of the earth, and the centerboard harkening skyward. This is called turtling or, by some yoga enthusiasts, initiating the poseidon pose.
5. If your dinghy initiates the poseidon pose in shallow water, the mast will touch the bottom and do its best to get stuck in the mud.
6. If your mast is stuck in the mud, your dinghy will be difficult to right.
7. If your dinghy is being difficult to right and there is nobody around except a few gun totin, tobaccy chewin, motor boatin fools, nobody will come help.
8. If you need help and nobody comes to help, you will say naughty words while you keep trying because there is no other option except abandonning ship, which you will NOT do because you just BOUGHT this dinghy and also, mainly, because that would be too embarrassing.
9. If it is windy and you finally get your turtled boat righted, the wind can blow it RIGHT back over even in the face of your cries: NO NO NOOOOOOO
10. When you finally do get your dinghy righted, it WILL (not may) take significant upper body strength to pull yourself back into the boat.
11. If your upper body strength is insignificant, you will get dragged along behind your boat which is now going at a good clip in the wind.
12. This is just embarrassing, and you KNOW the motor boaters are laughing at you. Also, the Portland Spirit dinner cruise will come by at this point and all the dinner cruisers will stare and wonder if you are dragging behind your boat because you are a boob, or if it is a new sport they haven't yet heard of.
13. If you are dragging along behind your boat in high wind, you will pick up pretty good speed.
14. Going at a pretty good speed, if you turn your head, you will see that your butt is creating a wake of its own. You may find this a welcome amusement during your man/woman/skipper/goober overboard drill, which you decide is how you will spin this if you ever get back to terra firma.
15. If, despite repeated tries, your upper body strength remains insignificant to the challenge of pulling yourself back into the boat, you may discover that the wind is blowing toward the shore and you can direct the boat, using your behind as a rudder, to shore where the boat will ground itself on the rocks and you can walk back in.
16. Once you walk back into your boat with great relief and start to sail it back toward the club, it will sail like complete ca ca. It will be impossible to control and rudder will feel broken.
17. If, in high wind, your boat is handling like goldfish poop, you may get 50 feet from shore and capsize AGAIN.
18. If you are going overboard, yet AGAIN, rather than yelling obscenties, you should keep your mouth shut and hold your breath. This IS the Willamette and that water in the sinuses can NOT be beneficial.
19. If, after clearing your sinuses of river water, you swim around to the bottom to right the boat by pulling on the centerboard, you may notice to your horror, that the centerboard is completely folded up inside the boat and ungrabbable. OOPS...and you may think: So that explains why it was handling like poop, but NOW WHAT?
20. If you need to grab the centerboard but the centerboard is ungrabbable, you really have no choice but to make it grabbable by pulling it back out which isn't amusing or anything and DOES mangle your fingers but you will feel triumphant until
21. You have to repeat the butt-rudder trick back to shore.
22. If you have gotten back to shore and walked back into your boat, you will now be sure to put the centerboard back down this time and sail with great trepidation back to the docks. The rudder may still feel broken but at least you are upright.
23. If you have made it back to the dock and it is still windy, you should probably stand at least ten feet away from your boat. Because if you stand too close, the wind might suddenly change causing the boom to swing around and wail the holy guacamole out of your collarbone.
24. When you finally start recounting your tales of adventure on the high seas, you will INSIST to the other sailors that you BROKE the rudder. But the other know-it-all sailors MIGHT point out that you got some lines tangled in the rudder and it's otherwise fine.
25. If you have learned many such things in one evening, there are still a few more things that will happen:
I am the skipper, being defined as: the goober trying to sail the dinghy.
Here are some lessons that I, as an experienced dinghy skipper, would like to impart on the next dinghy generation.
1. A dinghy sailboat can sail very well with a competent skipper at the helm (this is COMPLETELY theoretical to me, having never personally tested this concept).
2. In high wind, a dinghy sailboat can get far from the docks and from any other boats, especially when said dinghy is the only boat on the water and it's almost dark.
3. In high wind, a dinghy can capsize, although high winds are not always necessary.
4. If your dinghy capsizes, it can turn completely upside down with the mast pointing past the bottom of the river and toward the center of the earth, and the centerboard harkening skyward. This is called turtling or, by some yoga enthusiasts, initiating the poseidon pose.
5. If your dinghy initiates the poseidon pose in shallow water, the mast will touch the bottom and do its best to get stuck in the mud.
6. If your mast is stuck in the mud, your dinghy will be difficult to right.
7. If your dinghy is being difficult to right and there is nobody around except a few gun totin, tobaccy chewin, motor boatin fools, nobody will come help.
8. If you need help and nobody comes to help, you will say naughty words while you keep trying because there is no other option except abandonning ship, which you will NOT do because you just BOUGHT this dinghy and also, mainly, because that would be too embarrassing.
9. If it is windy and you finally get your turtled boat righted, the wind can blow it RIGHT back over even in the face of your cries: NO NO NOOOOOOO
10. When you finally do get your dinghy righted, it WILL (not may) take significant upper body strength to pull yourself back into the boat.
11. If your upper body strength is insignificant, you will get dragged along behind your boat which is now going at a good clip in the wind.
12. This is just embarrassing, and you KNOW the motor boaters are laughing at you. Also, the Portland Spirit dinner cruise will come by at this point and all the dinner cruisers will stare and wonder if you are dragging behind your boat because you are a boob, or if it is a new sport they haven't yet heard of.
13. If you are dragging along behind your boat in high wind, you will pick up pretty good speed.
14. Going at a pretty good speed, if you turn your head, you will see that your butt is creating a wake of its own. You may find this a welcome amusement during your man/woman/skipper/goober overboard drill, which you decide is how you will spin this if you ever get back to terra firma.
15. If, despite repeated tries, your upper body strength remains insignificant to the challenge of pulling yourself back into the boat, you may discover that the wind is blowing toward the shore and you can direct the boat, using your behind as a rudder, to shore where the boat will ground itself on the rocks and you can walk back in.
16. Once you walk back into your boat with great relief and start to sail it back toward the club, it will sail like complete ca ca. It will be impossible to control and rudder will feel broken.
17. If, in high wind, your boat is handling like goldfish poop, you may get 50 feet from shore and capsize AGAIN.
18. If you are going overboard, yet AGAIN, rather than yelling obscenties, you should keep your mouth shut and hold your breath. This IS the Willamette and that water in the sinuses can NOT be beneficial.
19. If, after clearing your sinuses of river water, you swim around to the bottom to right the boat by pulling on the centerboard, you may notice to your horror, that the centerboard is completely folded up inside the boat and ungrabbable. OOPS...and you may think: So that explains why it was handling like poop, but NOW WHAT?
20. If you need to grab the centerboard but the centerboard is ungrabbable, you really have no choice but to make it grabbable by pulling it back out which isn't amusing or anything and DOES mangle your fingers but you will feel triumphant until
21. You have to repeat the butt-rudder trick back to shore.
22. If you have gotten back to shore and walked back into your boat, you will now be sure to put the centerboard back down this time and sail with great trepidation back to the docks. The rudder may still feel broken but at least you are upright.
23. If you have made it back to the dock and it is still windy, you should probably stand at least ten feet away from your boat. Because if you stand too close, the wind might suddenly change causing the boom to swing around and wail the holy guacamole out of your collarbone.
24. When you finally start recounting your tales of adventure on the high seas, you will INSIST to the other sailors that you BROKE the rudder. But the other know-it-all sailors MIGHT point out that you got some lines tangled in the rudder and it's otherwise fine.
25. If you have learned many such things in one evening, there are still a few more things that will happen:
- You will go out for beers with the innocent bystanders and regale them with your tale
- You will be completely covered with bruises, literally head to foot, and look like you've been beaten up by a gang of thugs.
- You will show off the bruises and make comments such as: "I like it rough."
- For several days, you will FEEL like you've been beaten up by thugs and that you'd prefer it much less rough.
- You will forget ALL of these lessons soon and do something similarly stupid the next weekend.
- The next time you sail, mud will rain down upon with the wrath of God, and you will wonder: "Why is God angrily raining mud down upon a humble dinghy skipper?" Then you may remember your last foray in the wind and smile.
And, of course, this is all just an instructional document. None of these things every REALLY happened, and there are no witnesses (except the people on the dinner cruise, but good luck finding THEM!).
The only REAL thing that could happen:
You will soon discover an even more bruise-producing boat and just HAVE to have one!
http://www.bladerider.com.au/index.html
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
What I did on my summer vacation
Cakebread Cellars...Movin on up...I am sooooo behind, but I've been swearing with full-on good intention to update everybody in internet-land about my super fun summer, because you all just care so darn much about what I've been doing. But I'm so far behind that I have to deal with this like an 8th grade term paper. First, if we're lucky, I'll get the outline done. Then, I'll have to get it approved by the teacher (Pearl...that's you I guess). Then, I'll have another month until the due date, at which point I'll get up a little early and do it right before class. If there were a cliff notes for this, I'd just give a link to that. But since there's no actual literature yet on the subject, there's probably no cliff note version. Ah, cliff notes, I would not have graduated without ye (can they revoke your diploma retroactively? better watch it I guess).
Ok, summer outline, first draft. Think way back:
I. (note the correct use of outline numbers with capital roman numerals)
II. Vacation in BC (summary: took the convertible, it rained the whole time)
III. Something about installing a french door, I think I'm already out of order
IIII. throw in a few incorrectly formatted roman numerals
IV. Curtis visits, the rest of that weekend is a haze. I have some golf clubs in my garage now that appeared around that time.
V. Deck warming party with anatomically correct pinata and intellectually incorrect guests
VI. Sailing lessons, this year without taylor
VII. probably something interesting i'm forgetting, probably so
VIII. buy a sailboat
VIIII. get too busy to sail the sailboat
VIIIII. fry camry clutch on boat ramp
VIIIIII. buy a new car for the sailboat
VIIIIIIII. oh yeah, forget to mention, sold the miata right after the vacation. regretted that before the check cleared. the money was enough for a boat. or enough for a car. or not.
X. went to ashland, got stomach flu. that sucked (more precisely, that blew)
XI. determine that stomach flu more effective than south beach diet
XII. went camping at frog lake with the lake bakers dozen. saw frogs of all sorts, some hopping, some smokin
XIII. went to napa valley, tasted wine, dimmed judgement, bought lots of wine
XIV. went to san francisco, wedding of friends david & danny in sutro heights park. great wedding, nerdiest (i mean smartest) guest list ever. If weddings were all like this, maybe i wouldn't generally dread them. i miss those boys. maybe we should do another contract in greeley, co.
XV. probably lots of other things too
XVI. finally joined facebook. any spare self-absorbed time is now being wasted there and not so much here. keep swearing i'll stop wasting time in it, but it is kinda fun. today i licked myself.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, some viewables formatted badly. You can click on the pictures for a bigger version, so as to better see the irrelevant details:
Taylor in Victoria, BC. High Tea at the Empress: $100-something per person, decent clothes for the dress code: $500, saying "screw it" and ordering room service instead: priceless.
Taylor points out the sights.
Taylor points to a starfish.
Toured and sampled beer at Vancouver Island Brewery in Victoria. The more we sampled, the more FUN it all got. These guys next to me are in the Canadian military. They DON'T ride horses. That's the mounties. They DO drink beer in the shower, but preferably light beer. I think that's not an official Canadian military duty, but rather an optional extra curricular activity. Who knew?
Taylor and tea time in Qualicum Beach, BC
Goat on a roof. Those crazy cannucks...what will they think of next?
Butchart Gardens. It's Butch - Art, not boo shart. Get it right, would'ya?
Butch art indeed
Taylor and hippo umbrella stop to smell the blue poppies
My new boat. a hoy mateys.
There it is in it's native habitat, a trailer on land.
The new boat's new car
Monster pinata and filling: airport liquor bottles and rubber duckies.
Those boys, always chasing balls around.
pinata at 6 o'clock (turn around dude)
Jason and the anatomically correct pinata. AKA: putting the crude in crudite. Click on the picture.....go ahead, I dare you.
Jared's 7th birthday, otherwise known as "norovirus minus 7 hours". this is not the last we'll see of that cake!
Tanya and Monicorn (friends, NOT partners...just FYI) bake the lake. So, Are those real? Of course...and so are the pringles. 
What lake? Frog Lake! In Mt Hood Natl Forest.
Look, it's a Kayak with a Taylor.
chillin
Peep bunnies roasting o'er and open fire
Napa Valley. Hoy-tee Toy-tee
Oooooh, la la. Now this is butch art.
Devil hair at CliffHouse, SF, CA
Cutting (near fatal stabbing) of the cake.
Bowling back in session on sep 4th. Back to normal life, summer's over.
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