Things you'd ought not to say

Based on my own personally collected data, here are a few things that are probably best let unsaid:

In a room full of men: "Ok, who has the smallest feet?"

To the neighbor who has informed you that you should not spray the weeds: "So, you want me to have something I don't want, namely, weeds. And you're not going to offer any concession in return?"

To the neighbor who is talking more than you feel like listening: "Are you stoned? Oh, I guess it's just the Philadelphia in you."

To the neighbor you just now met: him: "Do you play frisbee?" me: "no, unless frisbee is code for something, in which case I love frisbee and play it all the time." Him: " ummmmmmm....frisbee, the flying disk thing."

To the person you're meeting for the first time after having talk to them on the phone many times: "Oh! I thought you'd be thinner."

There are more, I'm sure of that. I'll be back.