Reinterpretting the Volume in the Glass

Question: Is your glass half full or half empty?
Motivation: Some kind of personality test.
New discoveries: Scientists have recently uncovered more potential responses. Four out of five scientists agree, there are more than two ways to address the perplexing mystery of the level of matter in the glass recepticle.
Answers:
1. Half Full -- optimist
2. Half Empty -- pessimist
3. Somebody stole the other half of my glass -- paranoid schizophrenic (or playground nerd)
4. The glass is too big -- spin doctor
5. I spilled the other half -- toddler
6. I ordered a SKINNY and this is a SKIMPY. Take this back! -- Spoiled starbucks customer
7. That half glass will be $900 and comes with a free toilet seat. -- govt contractor
8. You only fill it halfway with scotch, anyway. -- Responsible drinker
9. Keep it comin! -- Alcoholic
10. That's way more polonium 210 than you could possibly need. -- KGB
11. The nurse said to fill it halfway and give it to the attendant. -- Drug suspect
12. Yummy! -- Pollyanna