It's a record

Two posts in one day? It can't be! Ok, you're right. That first post today is one I started last August and finally got around to finishing. But this one is new. Let's see how long this takes to write.

I got a couple of inquiries regarding a post from some months back where I mentioned my plan to attend a college reunion. Yes, I did go. No, it wasn't awful. It wasn't even terribly awkward. The Messiah College (jesus christ, what the hell kind of name is that for a college? I digress) class of 1991's 15 year reunion set a record for the highest 15 year reunion attendence in the history of 15 year reunion attendance taking. I saw a bunch of old friends. It was great fun. Everybody looks GREAT. Well, The women all look great...thin, fit and no gray hair (bitches). The men have aged a little more unevenly, from "you look exactly the same" to "omigod! Who's the grandfather over there". There were two of us (hi Cathy!) who were brave enough not to dye our hair. I'm on to the rest of you girls, I KNOW your hair can't possibly be as grey-free as you are putting on. I developed a theory about reunions and looks. The reason everybody looked so great there (and made me feel dowdy) is because the ones who haven't preserved as well don't show up. I'm convinced of my theory and will be writing for research grants as soon as I can figure out what foundation would want to research this.

I have no pictures of this reunion. Why not? Because I left my camera in the car. Why? Because I wore tight jeans that make me look as slim as possible and twarn't room for a camera in them pockets. Twaren't room for a single sheet of note paper in them pockets. Maybe I should have stayed home with the other, normally proportioned classmates. Too late.

Embrace Flatulence

You can't resist, can you? You just have to read an article entitled "Embrace Flatulence". I know how you are. If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't resist either. There it was in my "bulk mail" folder, where all the spam gets dropped. There sat the email with subject line: Embrace Flatulence. After looking past thousands of spams over the last few years to find the three important emails that ended up in there, I have determined that spammers use some kind of random text generator for these headings. And, like the million monkeys with their million typewriters, eventually they came up with something good. So I opened it to see what the spammer had to say about celebrating the wind.

The message was a "hot stock tip" which I didn't even read. But the text at the end of the message caught my eye. Another trick spammers use to get past spam filters is nonsense writing that can't easily be classified by automated methods. The text read like the novels in my dreams. Do you have these literate dreams? I dream I am reading, and there are real words and they almost make sense until I concentrate and then all meaning evaporates (how post modern). Eventually, in my dreams and in my spams, I give up.

What do you think? Can you make sense of this?

"The finished work of art still depends on Ray and other scientists believe that some electronic creatures In medicine and academic research, information technology can be avant-garde will continually rear its unusual head where it's association. The dream to achieve machine intelligence that is imagination. It is the dimension of place in the world that computer programs distribute it world-wide if I so choose. "

I guess if one likes spam, one best learn to embrace flatulence.